Hi Flashy. That was a well written post & I enjoyed it - thanks! As Horselover said, try not to get stuck in remorse mode. Remorse, guilt, shame - all valid feelings that help us want to get better, but once we own up to what we've done and decide to make changes, those feelings must be put aside. I personally remained so down on myself for several years that it was impossible for me to maintain sobriety. I'd wake up in a cold sweat, reliving the past, and go grab a drink to calm my nerves.
Thankfully, nothing tragic happened to you, and a new day is dawning. Be happy, and hopeful. We're so glad you found us to help you along your journey to a new life.