My AH doesn't like to discuss things he did or said either. He always wants to rush past the shame and go on because it is too painful. That and he really doesn't remember much of anything about it. So because the pain is never addressed and he doesn't have a memory of the event as a consequence, nothing changes. I've been separated a week and a half after 7 years of the same. I used to be a hopeless romantic but you can love someone and leave them. I'm new to recovery, trying to sort everything out, but I know separation is so important to break from the insanity and think straight again.