Self-hate doesn't help, least. It might sound strange but all of that talk is self-abuse. I did the same for the longest time. One of the hardest things for me to do is to give myself a break. I still catch myself beating me up every now and again...but I've gotten much better at catching myself doing it....and then I cut myself some slack. I give myself a mental hug and I'm doing better for it.
Please give yourself a chance. We like you. We like you
a lot.
Like D said there are good doctors and therapists out there. Be an advocate for your health and get the best care. Tell them what you need...over and again and if they won't listen dump them. There are good health care professionals out there.
