Hello least, don't write a lot on your posts but I have been reading some of them-
Please believe those of us who say that you are loved and needed over here and that no one will judge you-ou are worthy of happiness ansd inner peace. Please allow yourself to forgive yourself, we are all human and sometimes we lose battles, even if we fight very hard. But here again, prooof that you are not a failure: You are not willing to give up. You can overcome this.
Please be good to yourself, and detox safely, if it's necessary even go to the ER. We all care about you, hugs,
S.