((((least)))
I know I've told you this before but it bears repeating. You are very dear to my heart. You struggle so hard and try your best to stay sober.
Please talk to your doctor about the possible side effects of the meds you are taking. I'm very sensitive to many drugs and have had bad reactions, including anxiety and depression from some of them. Xanax and ativan give me "rebound anxiety" like you wouldn't believe. Some antidepressants had side effects for me I couldn't bear even in the smallest dosages.
I take a very small dose of a beta blocker to control the physical symptoms of anxiety. It's very cheap, only about $9 for a months supply! I rarely get panic attacks these days and the anxiety level is ramped way down. And it's non-addictive! Please, ask your doctor about these.
Over the years I've learned some breathing exercises to relief the worst of the anxiety feelings. I also use meditation tapes to help me relax and sleep.
Something I learned in therapy that was very helpful to me was that I was confusing depression with boredom. Not that I wasn't depressed, but the boredom was making the depression feel worst.
I know you're a smart lady. Could it be you're just not getting enough intellectual stimulation? Can you take some classes or get involved in some outside activity that would help fill those needs?
Please take special care of yourself! You're important to us! You deserve to be happy and relaxed.
Much love,
Lenina