Cynthia, I bounced in and out of recovery for a couple of years before I finally was able to stay sober for good. Hang in there. Alcohol is just a symptom for all of us. It is our way of escape when we don't like the way we feel on the inside. Recovery is about learning how to deal with our emotions without self-medicating. I hope you are going to AA meetings. If not I highly recommend it. I wish you all the best.