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Old 12-06-2009, 09:22 AM
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Returning

Hello!

I posted quite a lot this summer when I first quit drinking in June.
I have had weeks of sobriety with decisions to drink in between. I know that total abstinence from alcohol is what I need for peace and mental health.

What I've learned is that alcohol is merely a symptom of a much bigger problem for me. I have been fighting a deep, deep depression these last couple of months, in fact my whole life. I have had insomnia my whole life. I have used alcohol to self-medicate these problems without looking at the bigger picture. I have used medications for depression in the past, but have always told myself I was fine, went off them and spiraled down once again.

I am thinking that I may be bi-polar. I have an appointment with my GP on Tuesday and hope that she will refer me to a pychiatrist so I can get a definite diagnosis. When I look at the symptoms and the patterns in my life, it makes sense.
I think that alcohol is one aspect of my recovery and I feel like I need to heal much bigger aspects of my life than I anticipated. As daunting and intimidating as this feels, I feel like now there's is a glimmer of hope. Thanks for letting me share.
Cynthia
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Old 12-06-2009, 09:26 AM
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I relate!

For some of us there are more than one issue that needs immediate and decisive action.

I must deal with my medication needs, phsycollogical needs and alchohol recovery needs together ... they are soooo interconected that isolating one area to work on doesn't work.

I believe that part of my relapse recently was due to waiting too long to deal with a medical need in a timely matter.

I'm glad you're back posting and hope to here from you soon (hug)
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Old 12-06-2009, 10:31 AM
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Hi Cynthia,

Welcome!

I completely understand how you feel and I think you're doing the right thing by talking to your dr. I had depression from my teenage years onward and insomnia as well. It took a long time for me to reach the point, but in my mid-forties, I began to self-medicate with alcohol. So, stopping drinking was the beginning of healing. I hope you keep reading and posting.
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Old 12-06-2009, 10:36 AM
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Cynthia, I bounced in and out of recovery for a couple of years before I finally was able to stay sober for good. Hang in there. Alcohol is just a symptom for all of us. It is our way of escape when we don't like the way we feel on the inside. Recovery is about learning how to deal with our emotions without self-medicating. I hope you are going to AA meetings. If not I highly recommend it. I wish you all the best.
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Old 12-06-2009, 12:00 PM
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Are you seeing your doctor for help in stopping drinking? (besides the referral to the shrink) I hope so, cause alcohol withdrawal can be dangerous.

I'm bipolar too, besides having depression and anxiety. My meds don't help me when I'm drinking. I hope you can get the help you need.

(((hugs)))
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Old 12-06-2009, 01:09 PM
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Welcome back Cynthia

I self medicated for a lot of things too - I had to realise that, and deal with those underlying issues as well, along as the alcoholism I developed along the way.

I wish you well
Keep posting!

D
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Old 12-06-2009, 08:01 PM
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Welcome back.....

When I was diagnosed with situational depression
my doctor suggested AA.
I went...I'm still actively involved and
it's an awesome adventure in living sober...

All my best ...
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Old 12-06-2009, 08:06 PM
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Welcome back Cynthia! I can relate to your post - I drank first to have fun, but especially to numb out and to deal with a crippling depression. I've recently been diagnosed Bipolar 2 and am still sorting out my meds - but I can assure you that recovery is possible, no matter what. I'm grateful today to be free from the grips of alcohol. Keep posting and stick around!
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Old 12-07-2009, 06:14 AM
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I hear you. You take away the alcohol and all that's left is your raw self and the reasons why you drank to begin with. I hope your doctor can help you with this. You deserve a good life. We all do.
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Old 12-08-2009, 02:27 AM
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Red face

I can relate with the intense depression of begining withdrawls. I used medications to get me over the hump and then used prayer at four months sober. I now have been sober for a little time and know that no drink will ever solve those deeper problems(baggage). for US
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