It sounds like you love and care about it so ofcourse it hurts. We becomes codependent and addicted to the addict. I would say to join a support group that is recovery based. I also started reading Codependent no more which was recommended to me by a friend. It makes a lot of sense so far. You dont want to forgot you want to grow and change so you can be healthier for yourself.
Make sure you take care of you
