How to be strong and forget your feelings

Old 12-05-2009, 07:45 PM
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How to be strong and forget your feelings

Well he did not come home last night since I told him he needed to move out. I changed the locks this morning and he said he would be here today to get his stuff...

He was initially very mad and blaming me for everything...he is now admitting that he messed up with the meth use and everything. Sent a few txt msgs trying to guilt me into feeling sorry for him..etc..

My problem now is that I'm starting to miss him. I don't want to miss him. I guess that is just normal. Right now since his stuff is still here everywhere I look I see a reminder of him.

Why would I feel like this when he has put me thru hell the last couple months with his using. I hate feeling like this...I DON"T WANT TO MISS HIM. I know the only thing I'm missing is what WAS before he started using, not since he started.

How do you get over that feeling? Move on and forget the past and realize what is reality? How do you get strong and not feel like this.?

Just venting or something...don't know what else to do.
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Old 12-05-2009, 07:51 PM
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It sounds like you love and care about it so ofcourse it hurts. We becomes codependent and addicted to the addict. I would say to join a support group that is recovery based. I also started reading Codependent no more which was recommended to me by a friend. It makes a lot of sense so far. You dont want to forgot you want to grow and change so you can be healthier for yourself.

Make sure you take care of you
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Old 12-05-2009, 08:41 PM
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Cynical one....that is exactly what I needed to hear. I did laugh a little though...I think just because I needed to and it is so true what you said...I need to picture the REAL PICTURE of what could happen....

Thank you so much....! I needed that answer
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Old 12-05-2009, 09:32 PM
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For awhile I had to ignore and soft feelings I had towards him because he ALWAYS took advantage and manipulated me or the situation because of my love for him. We were married 18 yrs. and he was in no major trouble with the law. We separate, he meets a CW, and 3 months later they are BOTH in jail on serious felony charges. They have been in since August and are most likely looking at some prison time. I just don't understand how he went down so far so fast. His CW is 19 and he is 37 so see where that's going. Anyway we are divorced now and he still writes but that is the only contact I allow him to have with me. I don't visit, telephone, nothing: mail only. It is sooo... much easier when you detach and find meaning for you. I don't let him make me feel guilty about things he's done or consequences he's feeling from those bad choices. It is really just ashamed it has gotten to this point for him but it is what it is

It is very hard to listen to them when they are laying it on thick and trying to make more promises they will never keep, we know this but so badly want to believe them THIS TIME. When we were together I was always waiting on the other shoe to drop. It sucked!! I last saw my H in family court for our final divorce 3 weeks ago. he was shackled and cuffed from head to toe. That was a hard sight for me. It shouldn't have been but it was. That was the old feeling of feeling sorry for him was creeping back up. I paid no attention to it and finished what I started because I know that's what was best FOR ME, that's really all that matters at this point, mine and son's best interests. Just keep your eye on your goal and know it can get better but only if YOU want to
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Old 12-06-2009, 06:21 AM
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[QUOTE=onlyliveonce;2452956]It is very hard to listen to them when they are laying it on thick and trying to make more promises they will never keep, we know this but so badly want to believe them THIS TIME.

How right you are! Just remember hon(as I have to in my present situation), our brains seem to only allow us to remember the good things when we are alone, not the bad. Write it on a piece of paper what is BAD and when you feel weak, read it!! It won't cure you, but it may help.
Good luck to you......Kim
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Old 12-06-2009, 06:52 AM
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Ime, you don't have to 'get over' your feelings, just don't make decisions based on them.
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Old 12-06-2009, 07:13 AM
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Thanks everyone! I like the idea about writing all the bad on a piece of paper and reading it when I need to....boy would that piece of paper be FULL!

I truly hope he comes to get his stuff today so I can be done with all of this.

Thanks again!
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Old 12-06-2009, 10:15 AM
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Hi TChappy,

I am really sorry that you are going through this and wish that things could be easy. You may have seen a post from me yesterday and I was going through the motions too of wanting to not lose my ex despite how much pain has been caused. So far, I have gone from angry to sad like a million times. One minute I am thinking 'Oh maybe I can be here for him while he cleans up' but the reality is I can't. I have been receiving text messages too that he has been 'clean for 7 days now' (not true...I think he went and got high the day that I broke up with him), 'this time is different' (that's what he said last time), 'he wants to take care of us' (he's never done that...he couldnt hold down a job and went back to his family's business just so he could wiesel money out of his mother...I don't even want to start on what he told his mother to leave work early all of the time and to get money - just to give you an idea, he made up a lot of bad lies about me), 'he needs me to believe in him' (I did until I realized it didn't matter unless he believed in himself...but you get the picture. His first text actually was that he'll be getting his things next week and now they are all of the repentive bs that yeah, I almost start to believe but stop myself. What has helped me is definitely coming on here and doing what you have done and posting what is going on so I gain some outside perspective. Things can be overwhelming and when emotions are involved it is hard to see the whole picture clearly so coming on here with everyone telling me not to contact and to keep doing what I am doing was empowering and snapped me out of it pretty quick. What has also helped is that I told him this morning in a text not to contact me again and I am trying my best to maintain the no contact thing from now on. Lastly, when I start 'romanticizing' him and thinking about all of the good things I do miss, I am trying to replace those thoughts with the nasty things he has done. It has been working so far to make me more angry than sad. I know it is hard and I hope this helps but please know that I am going through the same thing too. I pray that things get better for you but I think you made a wise decision for yourself.

Good luck and Take Care...
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