Mina1020

I'm new here, and found this site today. I left my (now ex) ABF two days ago after three years together. I asked him to leave after one of countless nights of alcohol fueled rage, throwing things across the room, some in my direction, screaming nasty slurs at me, etc...

I'm so raw from everything. Sleep is difficult, eating is difficult...I'm trying to force all the really good times we had out of my head and keep only the images/sounds of his rage directed at me. I feel stupid for letting it go on so long. I feel alone. Part of me misses him, the sober side of him who was incredibly charming and made me feel so loved. I just couldn't do it anymore.

I had to file a police report for harrassment..something I've never done before..because he left countless drunk, profane messages on my home and work voicemails in the middle of the night. Now I have to worry about being arrested for 'kicking' him out, despite his not being on the lease, despite his screaming and throwing things, damaging property, etc... because of the laws of this state. I've never had to deal with anything like this before in my life.

I'm so angry at myself for letting him become everything to me...for not having the courage to leave sooner because the good times were so good, for letting him take away my self-worth and think I would have nothing without him, for a lot of things.

I suppose I just feel lost...and I need help finding my way back. I NEED to get myself back. She's in there somewhere. I don't want to feel afraid anymore.

Any words of wisdom are truly appreciated.