Omg
I can't even believe what I am about to write, but I just have to write it or I am going to go insane. I may go insane anyway. My AS has been clean off of Heroin for 1 1/2 years, in a methadone maintenance program. He developed a problem with abusing Xanax in the past year but has been off of that for the last few months (since August). Things were going great for him....finished an internship at a local hospital, got a great paying job at another one, he's been working there almost a month and doing sooo well, it was amazing and felt like a gift from God, I thanked God and the universe every single day for helping him turn a new leaf and get his life together.
You all probably know where this is going right? Two nights ago the suspicious behavior started, went to the 'store' and was gone for a few hours, came home was sniffing and acting like he used to when on the Xanax....GREAT! I always know when he starts this **** he just keeps going and going...not realizing how he looks to others when under the influence. We had it out last night, saw the crushed up Xanax on his desk and we had the usual deny, only did 3 coz someone gave them to me, etc.... Well, this morning he was acting dopey and sluggish, I'm sure a lot of you know the look. I told him he should just call off work today and spend the day thinking about the horrible choices he is making and does he really want to screw up this wonderful chance at a new start. He of course insists he is 'just fine' and 'I dont' know what you are talking about'....went to work and I just now get a call from him that he doesn't know why but they are going to do a random test on him....still doesn't seem to get it even when the consequences are staring him in the face. OMG, this is sooooo disappointing and to think that just two days ago, I was on top of the world, looking forward to him getting his first big check and getting out on his own finally (he is 24 btw).
He texted me and I told him he is going to have to find another ride home coz I refuse to leave work to go get him. And that if he loses this job, he better find a rehab because that is where he is going. This is just devastating, and I know it's 'his' problem, but it is mine also as now I get to face the embarrassment of my family, who were all soooo proud and happy for him getting this job. There are only two hospitals in this area run by the same system, so no chance in the future to even get a job around here again...
What now???!! My husband is going to be crushed...we both had such high hopes. He had said if he screwed this up that he would have to leave the house....I hope he chooses rehab...
Pray for us please