Thank you, Jim for this topic -- its definitely not one you can bring up in a meeting but it is definitely worth discussing.
I know when I came in there were oldtimers galore, averaging 15-35 years, and when they would speak I would always leave the meetings wanting to hear, know and feel more of what they had. Although the one thing they never talked about was what it was like for them to be "oldtimers."
Now, over 20 years and 24 hours later, I really wish I had asked them that question as most of them have passed -- sober. My experience until recently has had me still wanting more -- and feeling, for lack of a better word, empty -- regardless of the number of newcomers I spoke with, the number of meetings I attended, the number of BB pages read, or the number of prayers said that day.
Finally, the dam broke. A couple, with over 60 years between them, asked 6 of "us" who were experiencing this "emptiness" to join them for a big book study. At first I was skeptical of a BB study utilizing CDs from a BB study thats geared towards the more seasoned member but I also felt like I had nothing to lose while possibly everything to gain. We meet every Sunday evening for 2 hours, starting with our "homework" before delving into the CD. What broke my dam was recognizing that I have been denying Grace, feeling more and more undeserving of Him and His Gift. Since breaking down and admitting this to my fellow studiers I am for the first time in a long time finding that me and my glass are actually
feeling half full versus
thinking its half full
Just my most recent esh... thank you again Jim.
