Thank you for all of your kind and encouraging words. You all help me more than you will possibly know.
He took another "run" at me on Saturday via text message:
"Should I plan on no contact 4 x-mas also? or ever again for that matter? Tell my son I love him! If u don't, your a witch."
(I take care of his 4 year old son every Saturday while his momma works.)
What he doesn't know is that I talk about Daddy to his son all the time. His son loves him. I tell him stories about when his Daddy was a little boy and what he liked to do. I do tell him that his Daddy loves him. What I can't do is explain to a 4 year old why his Daddy behaves the way he does.
The event that led to this most recent no contact took place in front of his son. We were in the car (I was driving) and AS started antagonizing me. Verbally pummeling me. I asked him to stop. I reminded him that his son was watching. But he didn't (couldn't?) stop. He kept at me saying things that were specifically trying to get me upset. Accusations. Angry words. Saying things about my friends and husband that simply weren't true. He just kept on while I calmly asked him to stop. I finally through clenched teeth told him to knock it off. He said "You better not talk to me in that tone of voice or you can pull over and......" I was on the freeway. I did just that. I pulled over to the shoulder and he got out....slammed the door of my car.....and proceeded to walk in front of the car and put out his thumb to hitchhike. All the while his son was saying "What's wrong with my Daddy?" "Why did Daddy slam the door?" "Where's my Daddy going?" A few short seconds later, a car pulled over for him to give him a ride. All while his child watched. My AS walked up to the car smiling and laughing....as though nothing had just happened. I watched Mr Hyde turn into Dr Jekyll right before my eyes. I pulled back onto the freeway and got off at the exit that was just a couple hundred feet from where I had pulled off. As we went over the overpass, I looked back to see that the car and my son were gone. Evidently so did my grandson because he asked "Daddy's not there now....did he get in the car with the strangers?"
This isn't the first time that he has attacked me verbally, emotionally, psychologically in front of his child. I can't do it anymore. It's not my responsibility to ensure that he has a relationship with his child. It's so very sad.
Thanks for listening (reading). For whatever reason, it feels to get it out of my brain and onto "paper".