New and Introducing Myself
Hi. I'm new here and thought I'd introduce myself. I've wanted to quit drinking for 10 years now, but have never been able to follow through completely.
I'm a binge drinker. When I drink, it's like a flip gets switched in my brain and I cannot seem to physically stop. I lose all control and I drink until I black out. I've tried every trick in the book to moderate and remain in control (only drinking beer, having a glass of water between each drink, not starting drinking until after midnight so I hopefully don't have enough time to get plastered before the bar closes). It NEVER works. I always end up waking up the next morning with crippling guilt and no recollection of what I did or how I even got home.
On the other hand, I have a great job and am a hard worker who people look up to. I tend not to drink at home (my dad is a recovering alcoholic, so there was never alcohol in my house growing up. I guess because of that, I've never really kept alcohol in my own apartment) and can go a few days at a time without a real need for alcohol. This has always gotten me into trouble. It's been the easiest way for me to convince myself that I don't have a problem. In a way, it feels like I can "take it or leave it." But that's not really true. Because after a few days, all I can think about is going out and drinking to blow off some steam, feel more confident, reduce stress, etc. And each time I'm reminded just how out of control I really am. From the first swallow, it's like I'm not even me anymore.
So, I've decided (hopefully for good this time) that it would be so much easier in the long run to never take that first sip rather than fight as hard as I do to stay in control...and continue to fail. I haven't had a drink in several weeks and I'm feeling pretty good, except for one problem... I really feel like I'm on my own here. I don't know one single person in my age group who doesn't REALLY ENJOY drinking. I've been trying to stay away from bars for now, so I spend a lot of time alone. If anyone has any good ideas of how to meet people like me or new ways to spend my time without alcohol, I'd love to hear them.
Thanks and I'm looking forward to exploring this site more and getting to know you all better!