Why not step back and really look at those little reminders from the other side.
That one sober picture you have of him....why do you get only one when other husbands, fathers, and boyfriends can pose for happy family portraits and tropical vacations photos without being wasted.
That necklace he bought would have come with strings attached, IMO. In my world it would have been rubbed in my face every time I wore it that I should remember what a great guy he is when I'm nice to him, and if I stopped wearing it, it would be cause for a wicked bender for my heartless ingratitude.
He bought coats for the kids. That's sweet. Did he drink around the kids? Was he high around your kids? Is a coat worth all that or would being sober and present in their lives be more valuable?
"What the hell is Al-Anon and why are you going?" Well, that quote stands on its own...d*e*n*i*a*l.
With the holidays upon us and the romantic tranditions of the season, it is easy to see the remnant signs of a relationship as sweet and loving. But you can't just see roses. The thorns remain there, you're just avoiding the truth of the flower. Get wrapped up in smelling the blossoms you will walk away with bloody fingers.
If I get wrapped up in rememberances and nystalgia, I get moving away from whatever it is that's triggering me, and fast. Maybe when I'm strong enough I can look back and say, Oh, that was fun or back in the good old days but not now. Now, I have to remember why I'm not with him and why I need to be far from him. It's for my own good.
Better days are coming. Have faith.
Alice