Reminders Are Everywhere
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Humboldt TN
Posts: 114
Reminders Are Everywhere
I went two days without crying for my ex alcoholic boyfriend. I was off today, so the kids and I started decorating for Christmas. The joy has been sporadic at best; the ghost of him kept returning today:
As I dusted the shelves, the one sober picture I have of him appeared behind the books.
I was deleting text messages, and found one from him that I somehow missed, dated about a week ago..."What the hell is al ananon and why are you going?"
Pulling out the winter stuff, I saw the coats he just bought for the kids.
My daughter was hanging up ornaments, and showed me one she just made...a crayon drawn star with he and I and all four kids by a Christmas tree.
I found a necklace in a box he left as a surprise his last visit.
A friend who didn't know we'd split emailed me to ask if we wanted to attend a Christmas party together.
And then my sweet son asked when is he coming home, to be his Daddy, for real.
I can't stop crying now. I gently explained to the children that it is unlikely we will see him again. My middle son ran and got the cell phone and tried to call him.
I know that there is probably no chance for us, ever, and I need to move on, but these constant reminders are killing me inside. I don't go out, rarely dated, and I am so frustrated because I finally found the one to make my family complete, and beer and whiskey and pills are more powerful than the love and happiness of a stable family.
How can I heal when it just doesn't "feel" over?
As I dusted the shelves, the one sober picture I have of him appeared behind the books.
I was deleting text messages, and found one from him that I somehow missed, dated about a week ago..."What the hell is al ananon and why are you going?"
Pulling out the winter stuff, I saw the coats he just bought for the kids.
My daughter was hanging up ornaments, and showed me one she just made...a crayon drawn star with he and I and all four kids by a Christmas tree.
I found a necklace in a box he left as a surprise his last visit.
A friend who didn't know we'd split emailed me to ask if we wanted to attend a Christmas party together.
And then my sweet son asked when is he coming home, to be his Daddy, for real.
I can't stop crying now. I gently explained to the children that it is unlikely we will see him again. My middle son ran and got the cell phone and tried to call him.
I know that there is probably no chance for us, ever, and I need to move on, but these constant reminders are killing me inside. I don't go out, rarely dated, and I am so frustrated because I finally found the one to make my family complete, and beer and whiskey and pills are more powerful than the love and happiness of a stable family.
How can I heal when it just doesn't "feel" over?
Curled up in a good book...
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 1,542
Originally Posted by OtherHalf7 
How can I heal when it just doesn't "feel" over?
The nice reminders are all well and good but please remember to 'play the tape all the way through'. I journalled (sporadically) during the last year of living with STBXAH and whenever I felt the rose tinted spectacles come on, remembering the good times, I would dig my journal out and re read some of the entries. I was floored by how much of the bad stuff I had conveniently forgotten! It was a real reminder to me to keep on track and to know that life had to get better.
You can get through this. It will take time but you know you can do this. :ghug3
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Join Date: Feb 2009
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i'm with bookwrym-
when i feel myself wavering, i pull out my journal and re-read it. and each and everytime i can't believe that i've forgotten how very bad it was. it really helps! last time i read it i had forgotten how he constantly picked up my laptop and threatened to throw it out the window. how could i forget that? but i had.
do you have similar notes you can refer back to?
naive
when i feel myself wavering, i pull out my journal and re-read it. and each and everytime i can't believe that i've forgotten how very bad it was. it really helps! last time i read it i had forgotten how he constantly picked up my laptop and threatened to throw it out the window. how could i forget that? but i had.
do you have similar notes you can refer back to?
naive
Only stepping forward
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Alabama, USA
Posts: 330
I did the same thing with picking up my journals and re-reading them. I was very explicit in my journal.....definitely not a book for young children.
I also have two lists. Things I don't miss. The urinating in bed, calling my 5 yo a **** up, forcing my kids either into their rooms or outside (never allowed anywhere else), telling me he had enough, he can't drink anymore, I win (and then being drunk by midnight), telling me he always trusted me and knows I'd never cheat on him only to accuse me of cheating on him the minute my cell phone rang (how "mom" in my contacts is really some cover up for a guy).
My second list was about myself. How I reacted to a situation or one of his attacks. I remember throwing something at him. I remember the screaming and the yelling. I remember pushing him once (and I didn't push him hard but he was drunk enough that he lost his balance and fell backwards into the cupboards). I remember the panic attacks. I remember a person I never, ever thought I could become.
I loved dinner being cooked when I got home. I loved watching him wrestle with my kids. I loved the sweet, romantic notes he'd leave here and there throughout the house. I loved him calling me baby. I loved having someone tell me he loved me.
But.....there was always a but.
If you made a list of "I loved this but I hated this".....how many would you run out of first?
I also have two lists. Things I don't miss. The urinating in bed, calling my 5 yo a **** up, forcing my kids either into their rooms or outside (never allowed anywhere else), telling me he had enough, he can't drink anymore, I win (and then being drunk by midnight), telling me he always trusted me and knows I'd never cheat on him only to accuse me of cheating on him the minute my cell phone rang (how "mom" in my contacts is really some cover up for a guy).
My second list was about myself. How I reacted to a situation or one of his attacks. I remember throwing something at him. I remember the screaming and the yelling. I remember pushing him once (and I didn't push him hard but he was drunk enough that he lost his balance and fell backwards into the cupboards). I remember the panic attacks. I remember a person I never, ever thought I could become.
I loved dinner being cooked when I got home. I loved watching him wrestle with my kids. I loved the sweet, romantic notes he'd leave here and there throughout the house. I loved him calling me baby. I loved having someone tell me he loved me.
But.....there was always a but.
If you made a list of "I loved this but I hated this".....how many would you run out of first?
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Join Date: Oct 2009
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I have a journal...I save everything. One of the last calls I got was about his "depressive state"; I just wish HE could see the good...up until the last month, the good outweighed the bad. He has such a kind nature, always has...the type of guy that would pull over and climb a hill to pick flowers, things like that. He was so down on himself he seems to have forgotten there IS good in him.
His mother told me I have a special gift of seeing the good in people. The potential, the spark, and she said she hadn't seen him happy in years until that first night he introduced us. She also said she saw the son he used to be.
What hurts the most is that he can throw it all away. He told me he is a bad guy and there's no good in him whatsoever...hello? I wouldn't have fallen for him if there wasn't.
Maybe it's just the holiday season, but I almost expected a miracle...oh well.
His mother told me I have a special gift of seeing the good in people. The potential, the spark, and she said she hadn't seen him happy in years until that first night he introduced us. She also said she saw the son he used to be.
What hurts the most is that he can throw it all away. He told me he is a bad guy and there's no good in him whatsoever...hello? I wouldn't have fallen for him if there wasn't.
Maybe it's just the holiday season, but I almost expected a miracle...oh well.
Only stepping forward
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Alabama, USA
Posts: 330
Originally Posted by OtherHalf7
Maybe it's just the holiday season, but I almost expected a miracle...oh well.
And that's what it was too. MY miracle. Last no contact was fairly easy. I never cried. I was okay. I was strong. I was ready to move forward with my life and reach for the goals I had set once upon a time. I never in a million years thought going no contact would leave me so content. I hated it, don't get me wrong. And I was still crushed and disappointed. But I was okay. And I believed I was okay.
Turns out, being okay WAS the miracle.
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 20
Oh big hugs to you.
I know exactly what you are feeling as I felt the same way when I stopped contact with my XABF. It hurt real bad. But I held on to the fact that time would heal me. Every day I knew I was getting a tiny bit better even if I didn't notice it. I had to accept that fact that I was grieving and in order to get to acceptance I had to feel sad and angry.
I am sure this man has good in him -most of them do! but today he is not well. He is sick and there is nothing you can do for him. Only he can change him - you cannot change him. You need to protect your happiness and your health and your kids health. Avoid fantasy. Remember the reality of what this man is TODAY. For me it is the fact that he is a drunk. And I cannot have the life I want and the drunk too - just that simple. Besides all we have is today - me nor you knows what the future will bring - I know I like to be a fortune teller but that I am not!!!!
Give time, time. This too shall pass.
I know exactly what you are feeling as I felt the same way when I stopped contact with my XABF. It hurt real bad. But I held on to the fact that time would heal me. Every day I knew I was getting a tiny bit better even if I didn't notice it. I had to accept that fact that I was grieving and in order to get to acceptance I had to feel sad and angry.
I am sure this man has good in him -most of them do! but today he is not well. He is sick and there is nothing you can do for him. Only he can change him - you cannot change him. You need to protect your happiness and your health and your kids health. Avoid fantasy. Remember the reality of what this man is TODAY. For me it is the fact that he is a drunk. And I cannot have the life I want and the drunk too - just that simple. Besides all we have is today - me nor you knows what the future will bring - I know I like to be a fortune teller but that I am not!!!!
Give time, time. This too shall pass.
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 75
OtherHalf: My heart goes out to you. I know what you're going through. I had to put all the pictures away, off the shelves. I had to gather up everything he ever gave me either as a gift or just something for the house and return it to him. I simply had to tell him, "I can't have these things around me." It hurt him (and me), I know it did...returning gifts he had given me like jewelry, clothes, a back-massager, a guitar, dinnerware, things for the car, you name it. He was very generous, which just made it more difficult.
I just cannot have those reminders around. Several weeks ago, I was helping my daughter with a school project and I came upon folders and folders of pictures that we had taken over the years. I burst into tears. I won't delete those, I just won't look at them for now. Maybe someday.
I agree though with what everyone else is saying about reading your journals and I especially like KV816's idea about the 2 lists. In fact, I'm going to start those lists today. My journal tells the same story over and over and over and over 4 years. Reading it makes me realize that nothing has changed and nothing ever will until HE decides it's time.
It's sad and frustrating knowing that there is nothing anyone of us can do but try to move on - one day at a time - I hope each day brings you a little more peace than the last.
Hug your children. My daughter gives me so much love and strength. Our children are the magic in our lives.
I just cannot have those reminders around. Several weeks ago, I was helping my daughter with a school project and I came upon folders and folders of pictures that we had taken over the years. I burst into tears. I won't delete those, I just won't look at them for now. Maybe someday.
I agree though with what everyone else is saying about reading your journals and I especially like KV816's idea about the 2 lists. In fact, I'm going to start those lists today. My journal tells the same story over and over and over and over 4 years. Reading it makes me realize that nothing has changed and nothing ever will until HE decides it's time.
It's sad and frustrating knowing that there is nothing anyone of us can do but try to move on - one day at a time - I hope each day brings you a little more peace than the last.
Hug your children. My daughter gives me so much love and strength. Our children are the magic in our lives.
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Join Date: May 2006
Location: UK
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His mother told me I have a special gift of seeing the good in people. The potential, the spark,
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Humboldt TN
Posts: 114
Thanks guys...the pain is still so fresh, and even though I should have, I never thought we'd ever just completely disappear from each others' lives. Even though it's probably for the best, it just doesn't "feel" right yet. I don't know, but all I know is the last 24-hours I've cried like an angsty teenager, and just want to stop.
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Join Date: May 2008
Location: OK
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"Several weeks ago, I was helping my daughter with a school project and I came upon folders and folders of pictures that we had taken over the years. I burst into tears. I won't delete those, I just won't look at them for now. Maybe someday."
I relate to this. I went to a funeral of one of our mutual friends who died way too young from cancer. At the funeral they showed pics and videos of her life. I felt like I was at two funerals because dancing across the screen were pics of XABF when he was healthy and robust and happy. I almost had to get up and leave. Instead I sobbed my fool head off for what could have been and of course for the young mother who lost her life to cancer.
I relate to this. I went to a funeral of one of our mutual friends who died way too young from cancer. At the funeral they showed pics and videos of her life. I felt like I was at two funerals because dancing across the screen were pics of XABF when he was healthy and robust and happy. I almost had to get up and leave. Instead I sobbed my fool head off for what could have been and of course for the young mother who lost her life to cancer.
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Join Date: Jan 2009
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Why not step back and really look at those little reminders from the other side.
That one sober picture you have of him....why do you get only one when other husbands, fathers, and boyfriends can pose for happy family portraits and tropical vacations photos without being wasted.
That necklace he bought would have come with strings attached, IMO. In my world it would have been rubbed in my face every time I wore it that I should remember what a great guy he is when I'm nice to him, and if I stopped wearing it, it would be cause for a wicked bender for my heartless ingratitude.
He bought coats for the kids. That's sweet. Did he drink around the kids? Was he high around your kids? Is a coat worth all that or would being sober and present in their lives be more valuable?
"What the hell is Al-Anon and why are you going?" Well, that quote stands on its own...d*e*n*i*a*l.
With the holidays upon us and the romantic tranditions of the season, it is easy to see the remnant signs of a relationship as sweet and loving. But you can't just see roses. The thorns remain there, you're just avoiding the truth of the flower. Get wrapped up in smelling the blossoms you will walk away with bloody fingers.
If I get wrapped up in rememberances and nystalgia, I get moving away from whatever it is that's triggering me, and fast. Maybe when I'm strong enough I can look back and say, Oh, that was fun or back in the good old days but not now. Now, I have to remember why I'm not with him and why I need to be far from him. It's for my own good.
Better days are coming. Have faith.
Alice
That one sober picture you have of him....why do you get only one when other husbands, fathers, and boyfriends can pose for happy family portraits and tropical vacations photos without being wasted.
That necklace he bought would have come with strings attached, IMO. In my world it would have been rubbed in my face every time I wore it that I should remember what a great guy he is when I'm nice to him, and if I stopped wearing it, it would be cause for a wicked bender for my heartless ingratitude.
He bought coats for the kids. That's sweet. Did he drink around the kids? Was he high around your kids? Is a coat worth all that or would being sober and present in their lives be more valuable?
"What the hell is Al-Anon and why are you going?" Well, that quote stands on its own...d*e*n*i*a*l.
With the holidays upon us and the romantic tranditions of the season, it is easy to see the remnant signs of a relationship as sweet and loving. But you can't just see roses. The thorns remain there, you're just avoiding the truth of the flower. Get wrapped up in smelling the blossoms you will walk away with bloody fingers.
If I get wrapped up in rememberances and nystalgia, I get moving away from whatever it is that's triggering me, and fast. Maybe when I'm strong enough I can look back and say, Oh, that was fun or back in the good old days but not now. Now, I have to remember why I'm not with him and why I need to be far from him. It's for my own good.
Better days are coming. Have faith.
Alice
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Thanks Alice...I guess it's just that I am SO PISSED at him for letting himself being consumed, when he IS BETTER THAN THIS.
I spoke to my supervisor about him, the BCBA guru of the South, and he pulls no punches...without support and a plan of action, there is NO WAY IN HELL my ex can get sober again, and stay that way. It's like trying to fight cancer with jelly beans. Willpower is not enough. When I mentioned this, that he had to change the environment and contigencies to get better, he took it as "Since my girl agrees I can't stay sober without her and my family and friends I'll just be a drunk until I move back home."
Argh I hate when my words get twisted to fit the addiction!
But, that's that. It's funny, I know he still "wonders" cause he checks up on us through family and friends, and my website, but STILL...I say, be a man, heal yourself, and don't expect me to rescue you!!!
Sorry, I've been a blubbering idiot and now my hockey player temper is coming out, lol!
I spoke to my supervisor about him, the BCBA guru of the South, and he pulls no punches...without support and a plan of action, there is NO WAY IN HELL my ex can get sober again, and stay that way. It's like trying to fight cancer with jelly beans. Willpower is not enough. When I mentioned this, that he had to change the environment and contigencies to get better, he took it as "Since my girl agrees I can't stay sober without her and my family and friends I'll just be a drunk until I move back home."
Argh I hate when my words get twisted to fit the addiction!
But, that's that. It's funny, I know he still "wonders" cause he checks up on us through family and friends, and my website, but STILL...I say, be a man, heal yourself, and don't expect me to rescue you!!!
Sorry, I've been a blubbering idiot and now my hockey player temper is coming out, lol!
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Join Date: Jan 2009
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That hockey temper is what is going to get you motivated to stay out of contact with him, to keep moving forward whether you like it or not, and to one day be able to say "Hey, he's messed up and that's on him" and really mean it with no what ifs, no regrets, no second guessing the way things went down.
Your inner high-sticking hip-checking hotness is protecting you and that's a good thing!
SR is great for firing me up, getting me out there when I'd rather curl up and sob, and for making me see that I am damn worth everything I've been dreaming of for myself, and if my XABF couldn't see that then "eat puck buddy!"
Alice
Your inner high-sticking hip-checking hotness is protecting you and that's a good thing!
SR is great for firing me up, getting me out there when I'd rather curl up and sob, and for making me see that I am damn worth everything I've been dreaming of for myself, and if my XABF couldn't see that then "eat puck buddy!"
Alice
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Wow you are a hockey player??? how cool!!!!! I would be afraid of falling or being hit by the thingie (or both at the same time) ...
I finally found the one to make my family complete, and beer and whiskey and pills are more powerful than the love and happiness of a stable family.
"Finally"? Your life is not over yet. How do you know he was not a stepping stone for you to be closer to the good one? (or at least a good one???)
I liked to think we got a certain number of frogs, so for each breakup we were "one frog less" from the prince... or at least, from a nicer frog... !!
"to make your family complete"
What makes a family complete for you, OtherHalf? isn't it love? trust that one day... it will sink in that if its you and the kids "only"... nothing is missing. No one else is missing. And most certainly not a person capable of incredible harm, sadness and confusion. It will sink in it is an INCREDIBLE BLESSING to be free of addicted people.
"and beer and whiskey and pills are more powerful than the love and happiness of a stable family"
And that is a choice that is not yours. Also, this man is not a helpless victim of said whiskey and pills. If he were there would be no recovered people. He has a tendency to choose that, but for everytime he could have taken steps to avoid them, he didn't. If he knew it hurt you, it did not matter. If he knew it hurt the kids... it did not matter. Whiskey was just a liquid in a bottle... sorry if I sound harsh..... but I suffered a great deal thinking XABF was a poor victim, why HIM, well one year later.. I know people are who they are AS ACTIONS DESCRIBE THEM...
Trust your process as MElody Beattie says. Its all so fresh.... you are going through the worst now but better days are coming I promise. Now I am writing to you, a good man next to me, two cats purring, a lighted candle, chill out music...a small fountain... and I do still get my moments but the more time passes the more I convinced God/HP saved me from much hurt... and I know those hellish days/weeks/months are over and will never be repeated...
HUGS!! one breathe at a time.
I finally found the one to make my family complete, and beer and whiskey and pills are more powerful than the love and happiness of a stable family.
"Finally"? Your life is not over yet. How do you know he was not a stepping stone for you to be closer to the good one? (or at least a good one???)
I liked to think we got a certain number of frogs, so for each breakup we were "one frog less" from the prince... or at least, from a nicer frog... !!
"to make your family complete"
What makes a family complete for you, OtherHalf? isn't it love? trust that one day... it will sink in that if its you and the kids "only"... nothing is missing. No one else is missing. And most certainly not a person capable of incredible harm, sadness and confusion. It will sink in it is an INCREDIBLE BLESSING to be free of addicted people.
"and beer and whiskey and pills are more powerful than the love and happiness of a stable family"
And that is a choice that is not yours. Also, this man is not a helpless victim of said whiskey and pills. If he were there would be no recovered people. He has a tendency to choose that, but for everytime he could have taken steps to avoid them, he didn't. If he knew it hurt you, it did not matter. If he knew it hurt the kids... it did not matter. Whiskey was just a liquid in a bottle... sorry if I sound harsh..... but I suffered a great deal thinking XABF was a poor victim, why HIM, well one year later.. I know people are who they are AS ACTIONS DESCRIBE THEM...
Trust your process as MElody Beattie says. Its all so fresh.... you are going through the worst now but better days are coming I promise. Now I am writing to you, a good man next to me, two cats purring, a lighted candle, chill out music...a small fountain... and I do still get my moments but the more time passes the more I convinced God/HP saved me from much hurt... and I know those hellish days/weeks/months are over and will never be repeated...
HUGS!! one breathe at a time.
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Humboldt TN
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Yes, I was a hockey player...still play with a local group once in a while, lol!
I will drive myself crazy analyzing this so I'm trying to put it in the back of my mind, but it's hard when he keeps "coming up": the kids don't believe me, that he is not coming back..."But he LOVES you mom, he LOVES us...he can't stay away...he needs you!"
And the worst, my oldest son (both the boys have ASD and I never know WHAT will come out of their mouths) said,
"I talked to God Mom...He said He wants you to be with him! Don't mess with God's plan!"
Oh dear, getting preached to by a 10-year-old with autism, lol!
But, though I still think about him, I must push on, and maybe you're right...maybe this was to prepare me for the "next one".
It just hurts so much to think that cause after 11 years of heartache, divorce, and hits and misses, this one just showed up out of the blue, and it's so hard thinking of starting over and "doing it alone" for another 5,6, or 7 years...
I will drive myself crazy analyzing this so I'm trying to put it in the back of my mind, but it's hard when he keeps "coming up": the kids don't believe me, that he is not coming back..."But he LOVES you mom, he LOVES us...he can't stay away...he needs you!"
And the worst, my oldest son (both the boys have ASD and I never know WHAT will come out of their mouths) said,
"I talked to God Mom...He said He wants you to be with him! Don't mess with God's plan!"
Oh dear, getting preached to by a 10-year-old with autism, lol!
But, though I still think about him, I must push on, and maybe you're right...maybe this was to prepare me for the "next one".
It just hurts so much to think that cause after 11 years of heartache, divorce, and hits and misses, this one just showed up out of the blue, and it's so hard thinking of starting over and "doing it alone" for another 5,6, or 7 years...
Only stepping forward
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Alabama, USA
Posts: 330
Originally Posted by OtherHalf7
I guess it's just that I am SO PISSED at him for letting himself being consumed, when he IS BETTER THAN THIS.
After awhile of coming here and going to meetings I realized that, for me, I was really angry that his addiction consumed ME. I spent every waking moment trying to figure out how to fix him and make him okay and so on and so forth and every time I failed I'd slip further and further into insane.
But I'm learning that's part of detachment. I know, deep down, that my xabf really is so much better than he thinks, then he acts. I know he is. But by detaching I learned that I don't have to obsess with knowing this. I know he is better but I won't let it consume my life anymore because there is absolutely nothing I can do to convince HIM of what I know.
It's so hard. Hang in there! Don't let his madness consume your life.
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Florida
Posts: 52
OH- I hope things get better for you. It really broke my heart reading your posts. I know that I got rid of every single thing I could that had anything to do with my ex. I also took all of our pictures and things I did keep...like a drawing he did for me last year...and put it in a box. I made my roommate put it somewhere so I can't look at it for a while. I don't know if thats possible for you to get rid of some things, or put them away for now, but if you can, maybe that will help. Also, when I start getting the urge to look at things or think about the what ifs and how he could be better etc, etc, i get on here and read or write. I go for a walk. I talk to my roommate, my best friend, or someone else I am close to. I play games online. Read. Just distract myself, if at all possible...
Hang in there...
Taking Charge-- your post really made me think about things in my life and it makes me happy to know that you can come out of this a much better person and in a much better place. I also appreciated you saying trust your process...because I have really been struggling with my whole process, and its been really difficult! Thank you for your post..its inspiring
Hang in there...
Taking Charge-- your post really made me think about things in my life and it makes me happy to know that you can come out of this a much better person and in a much better place. I also appreciated you saying trust your process...because I have really been struggling with my whole process, and its been really difficult! Thank you for your post..its inspiring
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Join Date: Jan 2009
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I put all of his stuff in a box and put it in the basement - out of sight, out of mind. All of our pictures together that were on my computer-on DVD's and in that box. It's like the song from that old musical "I'm gonna Wash that Man Right out of my Hair" and the less physical reminders around, the less I have to cling to - the hope that things might be different.
It's a help but it does not make the hurt any easier or the ache dissapear. As hard as it is - when I waver, which usually happens at night, I play that movie reel all the way through - along with the good times, the romantic gestures, all of the good things, I remember the ugly side-the fights, the ugly words, the broken promises and that snaps me out of the fantasy of how everything will be alright.
I started a gratitude list and the first thing at the top of the list was to be grateful that I'm out of the chaos and on my way to normalcy.
It's a help but it does not make the hurt any easier or the ache dissapear. As hard as it is - when I waver, which usually happens at night, I play that movie reel all the way through - along with the good times, the romantic gestures, all of the good things, I remember the ugly side-the fights, the ugly words, the broken promises and that snaps me out of the fantasy of how everything will be alright.
I started a gratitude list and the first thing at the top of the list was to be grateful that I'm out of the chaos and on my way to normalcy.
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Humboldt TN
Posts: 114
I've been working on gratitude as well...
I am thankful for the positive influence I had on him; it was an honor to be "the inspiration at an attempt at sobriety".
I am thankful for my education, that I have found good in this situation. I am working on a project...it was his idea, about the cycle of addiction, and maybe someday someone will read it and find sense in it, use it.
I am thankful for my support system, my family, my pastor, my coworkers, SR, al anon.
I am thankful for my health...dealing with him brought back my colitis, migraines, anxiety, and now that I am no longer acting as his girlfriend/counselor/behavior analyst, my focus is back to my children and my work...I will get my first Master's Degree in 2 weeks, and the 2nd next year.
I am thankful to God, as I believe I never walked alone.
I am thankful for clarity...for realizing there was nothing I could have done differently.
I am thankful for detachment...when I "pulled away" and became more objective, he flipped out, but it was necessary...he is still angry cause I told him "you can't be first all the time, I have a life, too", but it is the truth, and so be it. He may have felt betrayed, but he needed a wake-up call.
I am thankful for life, the good parts, and even the bad. I love that I am sober, have real emotions, and can see humor, feel love, think straight...and I am thankful for family and friends who have recovered and show me miracles everyday. I have three sisters...my youngest in is the throes of addiction, but my two older ones have been clean 2 and 9 years, respectively.
I am thankful I never turned to drugs and alcohol when life got too hard.
Wow...no tears this time!
I am thankful for the positive influence I had on him; it was an honor to be "the inspiration at an attempt at sobriety".
I am thankful for my education, that I have found good in this situation. I am working on a project...it was his idea, about the cycle of addiction, and maybe someday someone will read it and find sense in it, use it.
I am thankful for my support system, my family, my pastor, my coworkers, SR, al anon.
I am thankful for my health...dealing with him brought back my colitis, migraines, anxiety, and now that I am no longer acting as his girlfriend/counselor/behavior analyst, my focus is back to my children and my work...I will get my first Master's Degree in 2 weeks, and the 2nd next year.
I am thankful to God, as I believe I never walked alone.
I am thankful for clarity...for realizing there was nothing I could have done differently.
I am thankful for detachment...when I "pulled away" and became more objective, he flipped out, but it was necessary...he is still angry cause I told him "you can't be first all the time, I have a life, too", but it is the truth, and so be it. He may have felt betrayed, but he needed a wake-up call.
I am thankful for life, the good parts, and even the bad. I love that I am sober, have real emotions, and can see humor, feel love, think straight...and I am thankful for family and friends who have recovered and show me miracles everyday. I have three sisters...my youngest in is the throes of addiction, but my two older ones have been clean 2 and 9 years, respectively.
I am thankful I never turned to drugs and alcohol when life got too hard.
Wow...no tears this time!
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