Originally Posted by
tigger11 
Our alcoholics work very hard to isolate us from family and friends.
I believe they do this isolation thing so that we, their own personal co-dependents, can focus exclusively on them.
Our alcoholics are sick. They drink, behave badly, become abusive, and then they either justify their behavior, or conveniently forget. Often, they exhibit this behavior both drunk or sober... even when in recovery. Their minds and hearts are twisted, and they attempt to project their twisted-ness onto us in order to make it "okay". It is poison to us, and it will slowly kill us.
We get sucked into their sickness because we've loved and trusted them with our very lives. We buy into their behavior, even while our logical minds are screaming; "NO", but our own dependence upon what we believe they could be overrides, as does our natural, feminine propensity to be caregivers. This, in short, is our own sickness. Our co-dependence.
What you said is it - in a nutshell. Your words are so true and really strike a chord with me.
Mermaid: It really doesn't matter what we've done (or haven't done). Email, texts, or innocent conversations with others, our alcoholics are always going to accuse us of anything in order to deflect their own guilt onto us and keep from facing their demons.
My heart goes out to you. I know all too well how difficult it is to "act" normal then run into the bathroom for a crying break. "Why are your eyes puffy?" "I'm just tired, ma."
The first time I split with my ABF, I happened to be in a band at the time and well, I guess you can imagine what he accused me of doing with one of the guys. My relationship with my band-mates was strictly professional, but that never stopped him of accusing me of screwing around. I also re-connected with my 1st husband on Facebook (who is happily married) and whom I have no earthly interest in, but now I'm being accused of screwing around with him, too.
I'm an happy that your RAH is not drinking...at least you have that. What I wouldn't give to get to that point. But I realize that everything else in recovery is just as hard. It sounds like you have come a long way and I hope that your joint-sessions are productive and you can both get peace back in your lives.