KV-thank you for your response. At this point-I am simply stuck. A year ago-he was struggling finding a job and all of his "behaviors" were blamed on that situation i.e. there was nothing he could do about it. I believed. The fact is with everything he told me-I believed it-because he is my husband. Although I have seen progress, it seems that as long as he feels undeserving of anything good-including me (I'm really not THAT bad!) this cycle will never end.
I have taken responsibility for what I did-he knows inherently what he is doing, because after he verbalizes the past-and I say, you promised...you wouldn't bring it up...he feels awful. It's like he cannot stop putting the hand in the cookie jar.
I am proud of the fact he has stopped drinking-but honestly it seems that working his program is a whole lot more difficult than breaking that addiction. I know-hoping that this turns around is rediculous. I can assure all who read this, I have let go-and made it clear that if he wants to be angry or continue to be angry-he has that right. BUT. He does NOT have a right to target me with the anger any more.
The reason I feel this might be a beginning, is there isn't anything else in the shadows. The relationship has been "gutted"...so either we move forward, or we end it. He doesn't want to end it-I don't either-and I need to keep my boundary, keep my recovery going and not fall into any traps anymore. Unfortunately, that means when he says he is sorry and promises things-I silently believe it-when I see it-for the good of both of us until we get into couple's counseling. (we are both in individual counseling)
Thanks for listening-reading-and sharing.