Holiday Survival Thread
We are coming up on the holiday season, and I know it can be stressful for many of us, even those who have recovery and sobriety in their lives. Family dynamics are always interesting, and sometimes it can be very difficult, or downright door slamming, gut wrenching sobbing horrible.
I thought it might be good for us to share some survival strategies: things we can do to make sure we take care of ourselves, respect our boundaries, and enjoy our time.
For me, one of my biggest adjustments was to toss out all of my expectations and preconceived ideas about how the holidays SHOULD be. I grew up with this idea of a Norman Rockwell Thanksgiving and Christmas, with all of the relatives gathered around the table, etc etc. It's no wonder I was often disappointed!
Here's what I know today:
** I need to stop being a mind reader. If I want to know something, I ask. If I'm not sure what to bring ? I ask. And then? I take what is said as fact and disregard any innuendo that I might "hear" along with it. If I start to get into someone else's head and figure out what she meant? I catch myself, switch gears and say the serenity prayer.
** I try to find something nice to say to each person who's there.
** I think before I speak. I don't need to engage in any snippy dialogue. I use the big 5 a lot : Oh? Wow. Really? Huh. You don't say. (and my friend Hangin's addition: How 'bout that?)
** There were times when I had a recovery friend lined up. Someone I could call when things got dicey or ugly... just knowing I could reach out and talk to someone calm and sane often made the difference in my moods and reactions.
** Shortly after my divorce, I realized that all of my old traditions were going to change. I had some sadness and regret, but then I put my energies into planning some new things, new activities, and the opportunity to create new traditions and memories with my kids. You know what? We had a blast and still do some of those things years later.
So, what are your ideas for making this a happier and healthier holiday season?