My therapist tells me to just listen to my AS. Tell him I love him, but do not offer help of any kind. As in, "No, I can not give you any money and you can not live in my home, but I am sure you will figure it out". Tell him "I'm sorry you've made a bad choice, decision, etc., and it must uncomfortable, not knowing where you will be living, but I just want you to know I love you."
It killed me to throw my son out of my home.....all 5 times. He has been working just enough to pay for a couch to sleep on at a "friends" and buy his drugs. He wants to go into rehab...again. This time I will not make anymore calls or arrangements for him. Been there, done it. It is all up to him. I will no longer allow myself to get involved in his problems or bad choices.
It is hard to ignore something that is ingrained in us as mothers and it is our nature as mothers to fix things. We give and always put ourselves last. At some point of time, it finally occured to me that I can not fix his bad choices or continue to keep mopping up the sh!t he leaves behind. But I still love him and letl him know that everytime we speak.