the I'm homeless call

Old 11-23-2009, 06:49 PM
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the I'm homeless call

came tonight.
This is my first post but I have been reading for awhile and want to start out by saying Thank you all so much. Long story short version - AS, we;
've known for about 18 months. Moved back home to "get well" blah blah blah
Ended up with us having to ask him to leave when he started writing checks on our checking accounts. I got so much strength from this forum because there was a thread on that topic right about that time. Anyhoo, AS has sold his vehicle and bought a beater and has gone thru all the money he has. The call tonight - can you help me find a homeless shelter. I gave him one address I knew and suggested he find a phone book and call the Salvation Army.
I'm sick at heart but know I have to stay out of the way.
Thanks for listening and for being here all.
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Old 11-23-2009, 07:19 PM
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Doing the right thing sure hurts, doesn't it? I'm very sorry. I'm glad you're here, though. It's a wonderful place to be with people who understand. I find it pretty hard to tell people that I had to kick my 19 y.o. son out...they look at me like I'm some kind of monster or at the very least a cold-hearted b*tch. They really have no idea that my heart is broken and it's the hardest thing a mother could ever do.
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Old 11-23-2009, 07:22 PM
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welcome rhonda. glad you found us but i'm sorry about your son. seems like you are off to a good start. you maybe helping him more than you think, just by taking care of you and your needs. addicts are very resourceful and very manipulative. stay strong and continue to focus on you.

i'm a recovering addict and my family took the same kind of stance. they allowed me to reach my bottom and find my own way back up. today i'm eternally grateful to them for allowing me to suffer the consequences of my own bad choices. you and your son are in my prayers. i pray that he find his way soon.
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Old 11-23-2009, 07:35 PM
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Welcome, I'm really sorry that this is the spot you are in right now, but glad you had the strength to do what needs to be done...for you and your son. Keep reading and posting. If you get a chance, consider some Alanon or Naranon meetings to - soooo helpful. Hugs
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Old 11-23-2009, 08:09 PM
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Sorry you are going through this but you are doing the right thing. I have learned the hard way that we have to step aside or we go down with them. Hang in there. There are lots of us here going through the same things.
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Old 11-23-2009, 08:48 PM
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As an another RA (recovering addict) who has loved ones who are addicts, I agree with everyone else - you did the right thing, though I know how hard it is. I chose to be homeless for quite a while because that's what it took for me to sustain getting high. When the consequences of that lifestyle got bad enough, I chose recovery.

Hugs and prayers!

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Old 11-24-2009, 01:22 AM
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Glad you stepped in from the shadows, Rhonda, and joined us.

I too am the mom of an addict, and it took me a lot longer than you to realize that "we" are not their only option, we're not even a good one, and our homes are not rehabs.

You did the right thing. I remember years ago at a time when my son was in detox and not allowed to leave, I went to a shelter to pick up his things. It was a Salvation Army shelter and it was clean, had good nourishing food and counselors available to help any residents who wanted help to get into a rehab. I was never afraid of shelters again.

Sending big hugs because most times it's just hard to be us and to do the right thing.
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Old 11-24-2009, 12:43 PM
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Yay!! A crisis!! It's in crisis that your son is the least rebellious and least arrogant and the most teachable.

So i'm praying that you use this crisis, of your son's making, to influence him to treatment - even if it means you say, "Gosh son. Being homeless must suck, but did you get that phone number for Salvation Army?" And maybe you would be willing to go so far as to offer him a ride to the homeless shelter once he has made the arrangements to be there. But that's plenty.

Again, i've prayed for you and for your son.
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Old 11-24-2009, 02:59 PM
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Old 11-24-2009, 04:12 PM
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My therapist tells me to just listen to my AS. Tell him I love him, but do not offer help of any kind. As in, "No, I can not give you any money and you can not live in my home, but I am sure you will figure it out". Tell him "I'm sorry you've made a bad choice, decision, etc., and it must uncomfortable, not knowing where you will be living, but I just want you to know I love you."

It killed me to throw my son out of my home.....all 5 times. He has been working just enough to pay for a couch to sleep on at a "friends" and buy his drugs. He wants to go into rehab...again. This time I will not make anymore calls or arrangements for him. Been there, done it. It is all up to him. I will no longer allow myself to get involved in his problems or bad choices.

It is hard to ignore something that is ingrained in us as mothers and it is our nature as mothers to fix things. We give and always put ourselves last. At some point of time, it finally occured to me that I can not fix his bad choices or continue to keep mopping up the sh!t he leaves behind. But I still love him and letl him know that everytime we speak.
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Old 11-24-2009, 06:28 PM
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I feel for you. I just did the same very recently. It just feels awful and not because of the sense of guilt but the real pain of missing someone you love. I will be thinking of you and sending hugs and comfort to you and yours.
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Old 11-25-2009, 09:20 AM
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Thank you all for your kind, supportive words. It is so difficult but hearing from others that I am indeed doing what needs to be done so helps, especially from the RA's.

I know tomorrow will be hard, but I will get through it. Hugs to all of you who are suffering.
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Old 11-25-2009, 09:30 AM
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my thoughts and prayers are with you -

tomorrow will be hard from you and your family I'm sure -

I know it was difficult for me and our family when my daughter spent Christmas in jail - 2 yrs ago - she has gotten out and gone back a couple of times - but I am very grateful to say that today she has almost 7 months sober and is working, going to college, and is an active part of all 3 of her children's lives - which means as a grandma - I get to be a part of their lives too!!!!

Tough love is harder on us I believe - but I do believe that it does help allow that other person the ability to find their inner dignity to sometimes make the choice to look for a brighter pathway.

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Old 11-25-2009, 12:49 PM
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So sorry you are having to go through this.

I think you did the right thing though.

I received the same calls from my addict mother over the summer and I did the same thing as you - directed her to a homeless shelter.

It's not an easy thing to do but it's the best thing for you both I think.

Hang in there...
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Old 11-26-2009, 01:13 PM
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Hugs ya

realize this is the path he chose. And if you let him suffer the consequences of his own actions, then and only then is it possible for him to learn.

I know its hard to watch.

- Susan
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Old 11-26-2009, 06:36 PM
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Originally Posted by Japic05 View Post

Tough love is harder on us I believe - but I do believe that it does help allow that other person the ability to find their inner dignity to sometimes make the choice to look for a brighter pathway.

I certainly agree. Last week I went NO contact with my AD, thought today would be really hard to get thru (last yr she was in rehab for T-G, 2 yrs b/4 in Jail) It was only my dh & I, but we made the most of the day, nice BIG T-G dinner, then relaxed. (hmmmm too much food lol) My AD did text me today with I love u & Happy T-G) I thanked HP because with that text I knew she was alive. My HP knew I needed to know that today.

A friend of hers texted me wanting advice, I texted him back saying that stepping back and going NO contact was hard, however very necessary for ME.

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