I was right alongside AH in our university years, beer/wine in hand, and for many years after. We were partiers, our friends were partiers. But some of us grew out of it and it made apparent that AH was having trouble. We had a daughter 2 years ago and my moderate alcohol consumption went to 0 in a flash. Since then, it's remained. I too cringed whenever a can popped, started to despise the very thought of it. Since having my daughter and especially in this first year of AH's sobriety, I can count on one hand how many times I've had a single glass of wine. Mostly because I was put off by it because of what it did to us. But now, I feel that it's healthy for me to engage in having a glass if that's what I want at the moment, even if he's present. Not doing so would be just like me NOT drinking to try and get him not to in our past life. I am sensitive and supporting in the fact that we do not keep it in the house, nor do we serve it when people are over, but I won't deprive myself if that's my wish at the moment. He has to find his path, and if me having a drink would spiral him down the wrong path, it wouldn't be my fault and it means he hasn't found his recovery.
I recently was downtown once a week for a night class, and would walk by several bars to the school. Just the smell of the boozy, smoky clubs gets under my skin, and I too can't imagine how big we as a society make this stuff, and how stupid we truly become after a few too many. And looking back I can't even believe how our university sponsored events for us with booze and how ugly and out of control it got in some cases. But it's not going to go away so I won't stress too heavily about it. I'll do what I can in my own bubble and to bring my daughter up educated about the stuff.
AH has lots of trouble because he's a social guy. How could he go out with the guys after a softball game and not have beer and wings? Or to the office xmas party? Guys especially can get ribbed; I know back in school when a friend lowered his consumption all the boys got on his case and called him 'high and mighty'. All jokes and joshing and fun, but this is the reality. AH has done well in deflecting the comments by saying he's a new dad and his 'old life' doesn't mix well with the new. Fair enough. He's also much more into sports now, so I told him he can always tell people that his new fit self also can't get back into bad habits. But I agree it's difficult. Some member on this forum once said that it's amazing how it seems ok that we see a friend stumble out of a bar wasted and disgusting, yet feel weird when same friend would say they are a recovering A.