Hey there, sorry to hear what you are going through. I can relate as well.. i was always so happy, fun, sociable.. I always had something unique and fun going on with my friends and family.. I made lots of plans, traveled a lot, laughed a lot, etc. Over time with my AH I stopped doing most of those things.. many of them because he didn't enjoy them, or would mock an idea I had, or just generally not get excited about anything with me. I felt like it wouldn't be fun anymore, and stopped trying to make these plans. Over time the only plans I could count on with my H was sitting on the couch drinking and watching TV at home... or possibly drinking, but just the two of us, in a bar.. what's the difference? Might as well stay home and save $$$.
He criticized some of my friends and family, so I stopped really trying to hang out with them as much, etc. I started resenting him for making me a lonely homebody who did nothing but work, drink with him, and stress out over money and what he was doing.
BAD idea. In the back of my mind I always knew I could be happier. But it was so hard to get there because my idea of happiness was so linked to what HE was doing, which doesn't really work out well.
When I finally started to step out of the dark, I went to 4 al-anon meetings and 1 CODA meeting in one week. I didn't have a lot of friends that I'd seen often at that point--I'd cut back on hanging out with 'the girls' to one night every couple months, if that, and rarely made any phone calls, etc.
So I went to meetings for a week.. it was for me, it got me out of the house, it gave me strength to take the next few steps. Plus, in my financial situation, it was cheap. Then slowly I started to make calls and open up a bit to each of my friends I had been close with, and they all welcomed me back in with open arms. Of course, this was with me disclosing what I was going through. And NOW I'm pretty sure none of them would ever want to see my H again, and I can't blame them. It's scary and it hurts when I think of "what i've done to him" by telling my story to my friends, and turning them all against him, but really--it wouldn't be the case if he wasn't doing all of these things. I guess it was me admitting to myself that I needed to get away from my H.
I haven't left him yet, but I'm pretty sure there is no way back for us. I am not 100% on that yet, but getting closer.
Then I went shopping and found some REALLY great cheap deals. I hadn't dressed cute or trendy or nice in so long. I always had felt dumpy lately, when I used to look so cute. I got my hair cut, I colored my hair at home. I got my cute new clothes and I went out with my girl friends.
I made plans with my god mother, my mom and my sister.
Each thing I've done for me has helped a little in getting me back to who I was before. I've been going for hikes on my own, too, with my dog. Getting out in nature helps as well. I could certainly go for more gym time, especially to get some adrenaline out, but I'll get there.
Good luck to you, hope you can start to get yourself back. I know how much it hurts to lose her
