Thank you for your post!!! It reminded me that I'm not alone! I know what you're going through... and I'm so sorry, because I know how much it hurts to look in the mirror and not recognizing yourself anymore. I've had a bad couple of days with AH and realized today (again) how alcohol is not only controlling his life, but also mine. It is sad, but while I can't make AH stop drinking, I can make sure that alcohol won't take everything away from ME. Even though it might be tough, you can fight this. Try to find people that can help you and support you! Is there a hobby or activity that you used to do that would give you some of your self-esteem/ joy back?
I should take some of my own advice
. I'm still struggling and keep slipping (but I always tell myself to get back up and remind myself of my strenghts). I wish you all the best. Be good to yourself!