I am going though the same thing right now. I do not trust my recovering ABF to get more then this studio apartment I live in. I could never imagine myself being in a situation where I needed his help with the bills. So I live how I can afford. It makes me question if this is a lifestyle I really want. He tells me that he will help, but he never does and I never trust him to.
Originally Posted by
outonalimb 
He often asks me what it will take for me to feel comfortable and safe enough to remarry him. And honesly, I don't know if I'll ever reach that point. I own a home (in my name only) that I can afford on my own. I completely restructured my life so that I wouldn't have to rely on my ex for anything financially and this arrangement has been critical to my recovery and my peace of mind.
In my case, I can't see surrendering my financial freedom to anyone ever again. If I continue on with my exah or move on to a different relationship, for me, its key that I stand alone financially. I'll never have another joint account. I"ll never enter into debt that I would have to rely on someone else to help me with. I don't care who it is...my exah or someone else. Financial independence is critical to my well being after the hell I went thru.
I think reclaiming our financial independence is a very legitimate and many times necessary part of our recovery. If/once we can achieve it, we can make the emotional decisions for the right reasons...not out of fear...or anger...or anything other than whats right for US.