outonalimb
I definitely suffer from "the all-consuming fear of the legal and financial fall out of his addiction". I have been left "holding" the bag of the finances. I fear bankruptcy and want to avoid it if possible. I've worked hard many years to obtain the credit standing I have. I have managed to keep up with things so far, but have constant fear of financial fall out.
I own a home (in my name only) that I can afford on my own. I completely restructured my life so that I wouldn't have to rely on my ex for anything financially and this arrangement has been critical to my recovery and my peace of mind.
This is where I need to get to. Once upon a time, I only relied on myself (after 2nd divorce) and told myself then, that I'd never depend on anyone but myself, and obviously I slipped! Damn!
I think reclaiming our financial independence is a very legitimate and many times necessary part of our recovery. If/once we can achieve it, we can make the emotional decisions for the right reasons...not out of fear...or anger...or anything other than whats right for US.
This is very true, and I believe this is what I need to work towards.
It sounds like the extra $400 a year is just a symptom of a much larger problem...lingering resentment and fear of losing control.
I know i have a lot of lingering resentment and I've been trying to work through it, but it is so hard to forget and I guess I'm not ready to forgive. As for losing control, well, this is scary as hell right now.
Your response was helpful for me. I am experiencing so many emotions and feelings lately, it helps to have other peoples ES&H.