Hi Salth and welcome,
I'm glad you found us and yes, you can fix this. You can stop drinking. You say you're not sure if you're an alcoholic and only you can decide that, but it sure seems like alcohol is causing major problems in your life.
You're right that your wife will probably need help and support as well. It sounds like she is trying to maintain herself, but she really needs to take care of herself. It's not surprising that she is reluctant to admit that she needs help. My husband also did not accept that he needed support or even that he played a part in my slow downward spiral. He is passive-aggressive/manipulative and before I understood it, it really messed with my mind. Anyways, your wife needs to take care of her and you need to take care of you.
It seems that panic attacks are not uncommon for people to experience when they are trying to stop drinking. When you stop for good, the panic attacks may very stop as well.
You can stop. Just take small steps and don't be overwhelmed with trying to fix everything at once.
Hang around and keep posting.
Love, Anna