Update and a question
Hi Everybody,
Just an update, its been 6 days complete no contact on both sides. There have been a few moments that I've felt sad but for some reason this time feels different. Probably from all the reading I've done on this website and relating to all of the pain that you have all gone through. I've actually started to feel anger, which I have to say I've stuffed and not allowed myself to feel for a long time.
During one of those sad times I came across an old thread called "What I Wont Miss" so I decided to make a list of my own.
What an eye-opener, as I started I couldn't stop and came up with 40 things I won't miss extremely easily. I then decided to make a list of the things I will miss and sadly it took me so much longer to come up with a list of 6. I really struggled trying to find the things I would miss.
As I reread that list I realized 4 of them were actually about me ( feeling like I have somebody in my life, not being alone, etc....) 1 was about my house and the fact that he is extremely handy,can fix just about anything and loves to do all this work for me. I then realized that out of a pathetic list of 6, only one had anything to really do with him specifically as a person. Interesting?
The reason I bring it up is it may be helpful to others to see things more clearly, not so much what you wont miss (thats probably obvious) but maybe what you will (you may be surprised). Thank you to whoever started that thread!
The other really helpful thing was reading my journal which I started about 6 months ago, looking at the craziness in black and white also made things clearer for me.
By no means am I feeling cured but definately more aware. Its been a good process.
Now my question, I realized in the past few days that he has something of mine (lawnmower and leaf blower) that I really need and would be to expensive to replace. Do I call him and ask for it back?
Before anybody assumes that I am looking for an excuse to call him let me clarify. In the past when we've argued I've always looked for any kind of realistic (like this would be) reason to call him. It was almost a compulsion. Any excuse so I could engage him in another conversation about "US".
This time when I realized that I really need these things (as much as I hate doing it, leaves have to be done) I put off calling for one more day and then one more day and its dawned on me I really don't feel like talking to him.
There really isn't anybody I can borrow these things from. Is this worth breaking the no contact? I thought I could just call and ask him nicely If I could come pick these up and then when I go not engage in any triggering conversations.
Thoughts?