I remember when I came into AA they use to say that in many cases it was a lot harder for the "sober" spouses than the alcoholic because when we put down the bottle we really could see how our disease manifested itself whereas the spouses struggled because they had no bottle to put down: it was all our fault.
I have surfed SR for some time now always taking what I needed to help me in my sobriety and leaving the rest until recently. I have always found the family and friends section interesting but also really sad -- this is an ugly disease. Anyway I BELIEVE and have HOPE today, some thing I didn't have when I came in but I often walk away from those threads sensing that at some level the disease concept has been overlooked and that there's no hope for the A.
So tonight I had Hope defined for me as it relates to relates to recovery & relationships in sobriety, I was mesmerized by a woman's story tonight: she and her hub, both alcoholics, got sober on the same day well over 13 years ago and this past summer they celebrated 42 years of marriage -- she said it was by them BOTH working the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous and by working them autonomously! I was like YEAHHHHHHH -- relationships can and do endure inspite of the disease!
As for your other half and her response to YOU taking care of YOUR disease, check out "How One AA Wife Lives the 12 Steps" by Lois W., Grapevine, August 1953. It can be found at silkworth.net.