I agree she can develop a relation with her dad, but it can be done when she is old enough to recognize threat and call 911 or have a mobile phone with her... not when she is so vulnerable.
I agree with Jazzman 100%, goodwill? you are leaving your daughter with a drunk that wants to hurt you and does not even feed or bathe her daughter. With a beer in his hand. Have you recorded this in your log?
Going directly for the divorce would be best in my very humble opinion (of course I'm no lawyer or anything..).
What matters is that the child is alive and well and sadly, with his dad we can't guarantee that. That is #1 Priority.
Who cares what he thinks or what he does. If he looks for you at your job you can notify your manager or security since now, as to not to let anyone in. If you are afraid he will harrass you... you can ask for family or friends to be with you at all times... or protect yourself in some legal way (restraining order?).
As a therapist used to tell me "your 'enemy' has a big fault - he is predictable" so, you move in advance just in case.... will he send 3403535235 emails? you do not have to read a single one of them.. have someone trusted to read through and tell you just relevant facts...
I am just a bypasser, I hope the best for you and your kid!!
This statement:
He said he planned on just giving her Cheerios and apple sauce the whole night. Hmm. He also didn't want to give her a bath. Double hmm.
And this one:
And yet, he's being so nice and so reasonable. He's playing this Perfect Dad role
..contradict each other.
Also,
I hate being the Bad Guy
You have it backwards dear. You are not threatening anyone's life. You are not ignoring a child's needs. You are not out hurting someone in purpose. You are not disengaging from your adult responsabilities.
You are the Sane Guy and we all support you. This man's opinion can be threatening but facts say the real story. Perhaps that is why he is so afraid. Because the truth is out, already shining for everybody else to see. And he is not the mini God as he likes to believe.
Good luck ((hugs))