Hi Everyone! Scared of Reovery?
Hi everyone, just thought I would pop in and actually step out of my comfort zone and try and get some help outside of my head, because clearly that not doing me very well.
I'm not sure where to start on this site, seems so many sections and things todo, it just seems like there's alot todo and sort out, like my mind I suppose, I dont really know how to begin to recover or to stay on it more importantly.
I'm sure I'm not unique, but I'm not addicted any specific drug (just all of them), I will just take whats ever available to me at the time, weather its opiates, benzos, weed and occasionally booze. (Very rarely on the booze).
I've been thinking alot latley about what constitutes as an addiction; something you continue todo despite it bringing negative effects? I just feel like I want something to elevate my mood, reality kind of sucks, i hate turning up at work and seeing all the cars lined up in the car park, I just sit there in my car, late everyday watching all now empty cars. Why? I just dont want to face whats ahead of my when I get out of my car and walk into work, why cant things just be easier?
I try to think of grand words of wisdom that will strike from the heavens to eleviate my twisted thinking. But i just feel like sometimes I dont want to recover because I hate society, i hate corporations, , I hate so many bloody things in life.
I just want to sit there in my hazzy bubble and just want to think that I dont have to deal with this if I dont want to, I can follow my dreams, quit my job and live in the dam wilderness for the rest of my days. But reality sets in, i'm 40 minutes late again, i turn my engine of and open the door to the silent car park..
I just dont know or think that a sober life will be any better? Will this inner peace come? Is the life of me going to be any better, for isit the mind altering, negative addictions i hold onto shapping what I percieve as a crap reality, or will i just be the same when I have courage to escape my hazzy bubble?
I look forward to proving me wrong with your words of wisdom from the heavens...