Congrats on the 11 months! I'm a pretty firm believer that abstinence does not in any way equal recovery.. willpower can only take you so far, but never addresses any of the reasons you drank, nor does it teach you NEW ways to live your life. You're merely surviving right now.. not thriving. I know you're scared.. I was scared sh!tless to walk into a meeting. Then I thought about it, and felt a little silly.. who did I think I was that I was any better? different? not 'as bad'? Every single person in that meeting you hopefully attend will have walked in there at some point with tears in their eyes, shaky knees, and fear that they somehow overcame, because getting WELL is more important than staying sick. Same thing with counseling.. my first session was spent balled up crying about how horrible I am and how much my life sucks and how embarrassed I was, blah blah.. luckily, my therapist had also heard all this before, waited for me to chill.. and told me that I was saving my own life, and to relax for a few minutes.
You think you're scared of recovery? How scared could you be if you started drinking again and fulfilling the 'yets' that WILL happen.. How scary do you think it is to walk into a court hearing for your first DUI? To damage relationships sometimes irreparabally with your husband, your children.. (etc), to be told by your doctor that the ill effects caused by YOUR own choices will likely make you die sooner than you ever hoped.
Maybe you're lucky, special.. nothing like that would happen to you. Or maybe you're like pretty much every other alcoholic in the world and these things will happen to you, and you know RIGHT NOW that you can prevent them completely.
I dunno, go to a meeting.. suck it up.. we're all scared sometimes, but please don't let your fears of the unknown get in the way of saving your own life.