No medication.
I think all this worrying has made me sick. I'm gonna go see if I can talk to the housing one last time.
Thought if you went around admitting things and asking for help they'd be nicer. Come back tomorrow.
I can't take this much longer... but I know deep down I'm gonna have to. And worse, that I'm gonna. That's how it works with me, it gets bad, I just have to deal with it. Nobody helped me before, and it's looking like (in real life) no one's gonna help me this time either. So I gotta figure out a way to rationalize this, and all the things I'm gonna have to do to get through this...
Then I'll be good for a little while. Then repeat. This is all I do. Apparently sobriety hasn't helped much. That's a shame, it was kinda fun.
My head hurts a whole lot now, and I'm seeing that I must just be being whiny or something. Nobody cares, and apparently I'm not doing enough. I mean, if I could just be like everybody else and quit all quick and find out how fun it is and how great AA people are... I'm just inconvenient. I mess up the statistics--I remember years ago that's what the unemployment agency told me, when I asked for counseling there (had never worked before, they didn't think my chances of merging into the legitimate society were good) they refused me based on that. I guess I'm consistent, if nothing else.
But it hasn't worked out that way with me. Maybe I have to give it more time. I don't have anything more to give but my body... and I'm starting to wonder how low will I have to go to get through this.
Yeah, VC, they're all easy. I just don't want to do them, and for some reason I can't right now. Maybe later.
TB