Originally Posted by
Callie 
Again Cassandra, sorry if I'm offending you, but I sooooo know what you're feeling. I guess the diff between you and I is that I'm PO'D!!! That may not be a healthy response, but it is what it is and I'm furious for what I've believed in, trusted in, stood for etc. I'm a bit bitter as you can see, so hopefully you'll take that into consideration when you read this!!!!
No offense taken Callie. I do hear the bitterness and anger in your posts. I am not there anymore. I worked really hard to let go of the bitterness, anger, resentment, etc. I did that for me. It wasnt healthy for me to hold onto that. I wanted to be able to talk about the subject of addiction without it bringing up all of these bad feelings and getting emotional about it. I also knew that as long as I held onto those things I couldnt even trust myself to know the difference of intuition (and trusting MYSELF) and believing what someone (who has lied to me in the past) has said to me.
I have worked really hard to get here because its a better place for me. Expecting him to prove himself takes to much work on my part. Yes, I watch his actions and yes I listen to what he says to see if it matches up. But I am not sitting here expecting him to make a difference for me. Earning trust back is a given not an expectation. If he continues to walk the walk then trust returns naturally. For me atleast.
I find that if I hang onto resentments and anger it masks my true feelings. I cant express what I really feel because the anger and resentment come out and that accomplishes nothing for me. The anger is usually from something that is causing me fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of going through this again, fear of having to once again stand up for what I believe in even if its the minority. And when I can truly express that I am afraid the anger goes away.
I dont maybe I am rambling but I just feel that holding onto the those emotions for me is useless. It doesnt help any situation just makes it worse.