Wow, B. That's the best news I heard all day... well the only good ones, anyways, and *what* a good news... Hopefully now that you got the support of your loved ones, you will have the strength to take this on.
Well, y'all, I went to the meeting... and wish I didn't. It made me feel horrible.
The topic was the 6th step, taking your character flaws and giving them up. The whole time when we were reading the book, I couldn't help but think that I might be better off drinking... Back then, I worked (before I started this school thing) and earned my way. Since going to school, I have had to do all the things in the book... basically beg, lie and manipulate my way into getting my basic needs met. I feel horrible. And coming out so late on a Sunday, the first neon I see on my way home is a bar, and all the way it was either restaurants or liquor stores. Everything else was dark.
I'm hungry--yes, I am eating, but not as much as I once did. I easily hate my 2000 calories before (I think, never counted them) today I had 1140. So passing all those restaurants--and my flu has subsided to where I can smell again--was dang near torture. And the liquor stores...
Worst of all, wasn't any of that. Worst was watching all the people as I walked by. They were in little groups of 3 or 4, laughing with each other as they ate or smoked in the parking lots. And I walked by... kinda cold and feeling down and might isolated after watching all the other people. The people in the meeting were nice enough, but right as I was fixing to go, they were all planning to to a restaurant/diner (? they gave a name...) and I couldn't very well invite myself with no money to spend.
I have about 200 dollars left... I have to save it so I can take the bus to the classes, but it's burning a hole in my pocket (actually most of it's in the bank). It's obviously not enough money to survive for very long, and if I have the willpower, I can make it last until February, 5 dollars at a time... I don't think I have that much willpower though.
Well, take care Augustties.
TB, 16 days sober