I am still sorting out these issues for myself. I know that STBXAH is untrustworthy, but I know that I could have known that long before I finally "figured it out." Anyone whose words and actions demand that you defy your gut feelings is not trustworthy. Anyone who belittles you for speaking up about your gut feelings is not trustworthy. The thing I have learned is that *that* is the point where I should have left over trust issues, not when all my snooping confirmed my gut feelings months later. Or, maybe the trust factor should have come up way earlier, like before I married the guy. "All my ex-girlfriends are bat$hit," should have tipped me off, among several other factors. "I quit my job because my boss is a d1ck/b1tch." Things like that, which evade the truth and shift blame. I was a fool to think that wouldn't transfer over into our relationship.
One thing I know is that I will not let this one untrustworthy person ruin my perception of all men. I will choose carefully from the beginning and start off with the default of trusting a person unless my gut tells me otherwise. I will never fall back into this crazy life of knowing I don't trust someone and snooping until I get the evidence. If there's no trust, it's just not happening for me. Life is too short.