great! Thanks for sharing your experience.
Everytime I make a decision to go where I want to go, rather than where my addict felt compelled to take me....I feel more solid and real inside. I love to hear stories of others little quiet solidifying moments.
sometimes I get this image in my mind...that when I first decided to stop using, I was like this form made out of chicken wire (like when they make a parade float and they form a shape out of wire) and the wind just blew straight through me, and it was hard to tell what I was supposed to be, and I felt hollow.
but every decision I make to BE me, not do play out the addict...some piece of paper gets stuck in one of my holes, filling me in, making me less hollow and fleshing out my form. Day by day I collect things/experiences that stuff up those holes. I make choices that flesh me out. It's not just random junk getting caught in the wire, it is things I choose and put in there with my own strength. I am building me up, choice by choice, experience by experience.