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Old 11-06-2009, 12:56 AM   #1 (permalink)
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nine...


Altough yesterday was day eight in recovery...it felt like day one...the job interview, build up emotions, being with my girlfriend all the time,

I wasnīt confronted with myself yet...

Well that sure happended yesterday evening...almost relapsed..i was allready outside with my jacket, ready to ride my bike to the coffeeshop and buy weed...

Luckely i was strong enough so it didnīt happen...

woke up about two hours ago..after a night filled with druggy nightmares...so intense I woke up thinking I had used!

still here, still sober....proud and content...
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Old 11-06-2009, 01:37 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Congratulations and keep on going, CC.

Every "almost" makes you stronger...


Forward is the right direction,
-TB
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Old 11-06-2009, 03:45 AM   #3 (permalink)
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CC, I don't understand the word confronted within the context of your post, but I am happy that you were strong and didn't take that ride. Good luck and good thoughts, John in Oklahoma
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Old 11-06-2009, 05:59 AM   #4 (permalink)
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great! Thanks for sharing your experience.

Everytime I make a decision to go where I want to go, rather than where my addict felt compelled to take me....I feel more solid and real inside. I love to hear stories of others little quiet solidifying moments.

sometimes I get this image in my mind...that when I first decided to stop using, I was like this form made out of chicken wire (like when they make a parade float and they form a shape out of wire) and the wind just blew straight through me, and it was hard to tell what I was supposed to be, and I felt hollow.

but every decision I make to BE me, not do play out the addict...some piece of paper gets stuck in one of my holes, filling me in, making me less hollow and fleshing out my form. Day by day I collect things/experiences that stuff up those holes. I make choices that flesh me out. It's not just random junk getting caught in the wire, it is things I choose and put in there with my own strength. I am building me up, choice by choice, experience by experience.
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