Lots to think about...thank you all for your replies - I feel so alone here in the house by myself & it truly helps.
Thought a lot about it today. Made myself go to they gym even though I didn't want to. I think there's a lot going on. My new job challenges being a biggie. I know a lot of my self-worth comes from my job and I just don't feel good about it right now.
More important though....still having trouble accepting myself completely. The "Why can't I be like (fill in blank)??" kind of stuff. I set myself up with high expectations of ME and I fail my own expectations.
And I'm tired...tired of never getting ahead, of the struggle.
As for rAH, notice the small 'r' because I don't want to put all my hopes on him again even though I feel really good about where he is. But now that he's in recovery, I don't feel needed as much...he is doing things on his own, taking care of things, of himself. And that's great - but I feel like I'm missing part of me...the part that took care of things, took care of him. Now I know I'm better off for this, that I'll be better when I find more of "me" but it's still new to me now.
I'm trying to make plans for the weekend now - just to make sure I actually get out. And I will go to the doctor...to check my thyroid again and just talk to her about it. I know this is just not "me".
Greet - definitely need to get out more & to the gym. I haven't worked out regularly in 3 weeks. It does make a huge difference. But I'm also trying to be more accepting that I just may need extra help.
Live - I wish I could look at it as pampering....I look at it as being lazy and a character failing. The cookie dough and wine was good, but I'm trying so hard to watch calories, it wasn't any fun!
Callie- thank you - it helps to know that others have felt it too....I will check out that thread when I'm done here.
Cessie - I wish it was going away during the week but it's not so much, it's more that I can just avoid it more when I'm busy. You're right though.....not having his addiction to focus on is making me look at me more and realizing there's still work to do. I'm sooo trying to find "me".
Outonalimb - I'd considered PTSD....damage was done and healing needs to happen for sure. Why is it that being gentle with myself is the hardest?
Sodetermined - thank you PS I like your new name.
Ann - Recovery is a constant thing...and I know I need to keep focused, thank you for the hug, I needed it
neecey - that survival mode stuff makes a lot of sense, I've only been working on recovery for myself for less than a year or so, so I guess it will take more time than I thought. Before this relationship I too was in an abusive one and I didn't give myself time to heal. Glad to hear you did, you are strong too.
......If I'm posting all weekend....please tell me to get my you know what dressed and out of the house.
:ghug2