I thought I had developed some skills for coping...apparently not because I dove head first into the Halloween candy! lol Whatever, that fun size Snickers made me feel better dang it!
I totally understand what you mean Lisa and you are 100% right. I'm feel so scared of walking into an AA meeting. I know nobody there will judge me and I'm pretty sure it will help. BUT all this time I've done it on my own and with you guys, you would think being almost at a year would make it EASIER to do it alone. Guess Not =( I've barely spoken to my Husband the past two days, I just don't know what to tell him. I did tell him yesterday that I was having a hard time with my Sobriety thing right now but that I didn't want to talk about it. I know he's worried, but I really don't know what to tell him! That I feel like I'm crawling out of my skin because I want to numb every part of me? That I would rather be asleep than deal with things? That I'm petrified when I get in my car because of the self harming thoughts?
I know I need to talk to him, I just don't want to unload this all on him for the upteenth time. I often wonder how he's not tired of me by now.
ETA: I found my journal from this time last year. I was in the middle of my breakdown with drinking, realizing it was bad and needing to stop but it was progressing. This month is when I had a few false starts, my final drink, found SR. I'm sure this HAS to have something to do with how I'm feeling. I just wish I could process it and feel better.