Thank you Tigger and New Chapter.
I think I'm going to stop pretty much telling them how I feel. I usually do leave them alone when conversations end and pretty much the same thing on the phone. I tell them I love them and bye. I don't pressure them to have conversations but I just wish they would talk some more. As was said, hopefully time will help.
Tigger - Your AH didn't work for 17 years? Mine worked off and on above the table for a few years then totally under the table since as long as I can remember. I guess I should be getting a lawyers advice as to what will happen if I get a divorce. I just may separated forever. I worked at the same company for 21 years and can retire with a monthly check in two years. I've paid for this house, the cars which are old now, everything. He pitches in when he works and just maybe a couple hundred dollars at that when he works. Now I'm concerned that since he hasn't worked above the table for years that the laws in massachusetts will give the house to him, etc. even though I paid for it and the contents. Mostly.
I really hate to say this but he isn't physically healthy either so being separated instead of divorced maybe a better answer in my situation. I'm not being selfish, but I worked hard all these years and there is no way that he is going to take my pension from me. He has to sign a paper before I can retire agreeing to which option I take. Whether I take one for him in case I die first or don't take an option and live off that. Since he is not physically healthy I don't see a reason to take an option. He already stated to me that he's going after the house and the pension. I just may not retire. I'll stay working at that company. Either way, if I retire, I'll only be 46, and I'll still have to work fulltime because the kids are going to college and I need to pay for that and being young and not working will drive my crazy.
I don't feel he should get the house or my pension or alimony as he really hasn't contributed much to this household. But, probably because of his not working he judge will see it as he was taking care of the kids and for me to pay him.
I know I'm rambling but now that you wrote that about your house went to your EXAH I'm starting to get a little worried here. I'd rather see it foreclosed then him get it. I can feel the anger starting to come on. I think that's a good thing.
As for the kids, I will give them their space and not force conversations unless they are receptive to it. I tell them all the time I am here for them to talk and I won't judge them in any way on what they tell me. I know they are typical teenagers that don't talk much just as I didn't talk much as a kid either.
Today they were laughing and having fun so I am happy about that. The laughter really makes me happy as I haven't really heard the laughter be sincere in a long time. I guess time will heal all wounds.
New Chapter - I think I do have to back off on my daughter and telling her my feelings. The other day me and my AH talked and I came home crying and went to her room and cryed on her shoulder. I felt bad after it. She is my daughter first and friend second. I have to remember that. I think they are still too young to be hearing about how their mom feels everyday. This I will work on. They don't need to hear about my feelings minute by minute about their dad. This week I shall work on just being their Mom.
Thank you for your replies. You gave me a lot to think about.
I am glad both of you have good relationships with your children and they are so precious.
Thanks so much for replying and have a good day/night? don't know which it is where you are. I'm just happy we get an extra hour of sleep tonight. I need it. I'm exhausted.