just.posted.but.have.another.question.about.my.kid s
I just posted a long post. This one has to do with communication with the kids.
For those of you who had teenagers with and AH or seperated from them I could use some suggestions.
Through the years I have been trying to get communication going with my kids. I would try and talk about this and that and always they would give me one word answers or call my annoying.
The last couple years I have talked with them about their dads alcoholism and explained to them it's a disease. I haven't said one bad word about him when he is sober. They can make that choice about how they feel themselves.
Before he left I told them, i have a 14 year old boy and girl - twins, what may happen and they said they didn't want him here while he was drinking because of the verbal abuse. There is definately less tension here now that he is gone but I feel that the kids and I should be talking more about anything. I know they are teenagers but why am I feeling that they are either angry at me or maybe I put them on the back burner when I was so caught up with my AH drinking. Now that he is gone I thought are relationship would be better. I'm feeling very guilty that i wasn't there for them.
I know they have a big adjustment that they need to accept. I know it's hard on them also. I don't have much money so I can't like take them and do alot of things. I did take them to see a house that a friend of mine decorated and they were laughing and smiling. since today is halloween they are going to go our with thier friends.
does anyone have any suggestions so i can have a better relationship with my kids after all this. we get along good and they do agree with what happened. I know they are teenagers but how can i make it easier for them and make it easier for me and them to get closer. I hope this makes sense.
Maybe i tell them too much about how i feel. the only things i really say are i'm having a bad day. or i'm sad, or today is going to be a lump on the couch day (which those days I feel guilty). . Should I let them know how I feel so that they know their feelings are justified. I try to ask them how they are feeling and they say ok. I feel very bad for them. It breaks my heart thinking that I let it go on for so long that I hope I haven't messed them up.
they both are great kids. my daughter is starting guitar lessons and she wants to go on the college at Berkley. My son is a straight a student basically without trying.
the communication thing is getting to me really bad.
I have noticed that since their dad left my son is talking to me normally. not with an attitude like his dad talked with me. I guess he was learning from his dad.
It's all so not black and white.
If anyone has any suggestions or how their kids reacted and what helped it would be greatly appreciated.
Sorry again for the long post and Happy Halloween.
denise