I am responsible 100% for the choices I have made. It just feels like getting messed up right now makes them not hurt so much.
Yesterday was my daughter's 3rd birthday. She is with AH's family. They are Jehovah's witnesses and don't celebrate birthdays. I'm sure there wasn't a cake or party or presents for her. I'm not able to wish her a happy birthday because of their fear of my voice upsetting her. I asked to come and see her for her birthday, but sis-in-law told me it was "too soon." My sons begged me to bring them to see her so they could celebrate her birthday with her, and I couldn't let them. How am I supposed to live with myself?
My first husband told me I am disgusting and don't deserve the title of mother. He said I should take my kids off my FB page. He called me a selfish bitch. Can't argue with him. He told me to just stay with AH and leave the kids alone. I was supposed to take them trick-or-treating, but he took that away and is sending them to his sister's instead. Of course, he said I could drive them over there so it would help him out.
So much hate for myself. Can't live with it.