Hi Malcolm,
It sounds to me like you're putting way too much importance on things outside of yourself. Getting sober is an inside job, and I had to figure out that I needed to do it for myself.
You're not a bad person. Alcoholism is not a character defect. It's a disease and it will ruin every good thing in our lives, if we don't stop it.
I hope you find that the reasons to stop drinking become more important than the reasons for drinking. Trust me, you can get through Christmas, all-inclusive holidays, cruises, reunions and everything else in life without drinking.