GiveLove

I'm glad you found us, because yes, we do "get it" even though we wish we didn't have to. Aand it's a terrific place to let stuff out. From how you present yourself, I feel like I can be honest with you.

I too have an alcoholic friend. I've known him for many years and we have traveled together in the past - never intimate. But when it looked as though he was being disrespectful to his partner, and when it looked like his alcoholism had destroyed the boundaries I'd set (don't ruin my home's serenity, respect my limitations, etc.) I cut off contact with him, blocked his email, and cut him loose.

My husband is approximately the most laid-back, trusting, understanding person in this Solar System. He would do anything for me. But if he knew that I was investing this much of my emotional intimacy in an alcoholic (married) man who clearly had no concern whatsoever for my marriage -- as evidenced by all the emails against my wishes, all the contact, the inappropriateness, the calls -- he would leave me before it could proceed any further, and I would not blame him at all.

Consider whether this friendship is worth losing your husband's trust. And consider whether your actions are fair to him, and to this man's wife. Not saying you are doing anything wrong AT ALL, but I know I got quite a revelation from examining my own motivations in a similar situation.

Unsolicited advice, I know, but just know that it comes from a place of concern for you. An active alcoholic will often drag you down with them if you don't protect yourself...ruining your life as well as their own.