I hate dial up, I guess that’s the country life.
I’m writing in reference to my last post on another thread. Unfortunately I had somewhat promised that I would not drink today. It is 2 o'clock now and honestly, I’m downright just pist off. What will one drink do to me? Remember I said I'd keep my kids awake.. Well now they are overtired, screaming, fighting and not sleeping. My dog ran away, I was outside cleaning the horse stall and the freakin moron backed up and I fell and that idiot continued to stand on my leg. Which is swollen and bruised now. My mother sends me an email saying she's praying for me. For what the hell for? I hate that woman with all I am, I need her to leave me alone, Prayer, she doesn't even know how, The Lord tells her its okay to drink, do drugs, have affairs because you know.. She has needs to. I fight with her all the time and we obviously dont know the same "God", mine gives me guilt and a conscience to what I believe is to make me better, whole other topic, but I have my own family, Im an adult. Just leave me alone.
My husband comes home, Im crying, and the ******* pours me a drink. Lets just say I ripped his head off and now I have a drink to pick up from the carpet, walls and windows. This isn't how this whole quitting thing was suppose to go. It was suppose to be easy, I have read so many threads and everyone must be stronger than I am because I don’t think I can do this. Maybe I'll just have wine, I hate it, because it doesn't give me that feeling fast enough. I’m so angry I want to just get on my knees, ask the Lord why me and do nothing but cry until I pass out.
I want this to stop, My stomach is in knots because I had stupidly written that I wouldn't drink today... I need it now more than ever.
Is this what you all did? The day after your stomach hurts so bad you want it so much, your angry, sad, Why the hell is this happening. Its been a damn hour, its not even tonight yet. I want to quit now, this is sad. But maybe I can quit tomorrow? Just one more night???
Ugh,
whew, keep it between the lines.... gotta breathe.