you are a new person, with new goals and priorities. If who you are with doesn't fit within those, or is toxic to your wellbeing.. it's your choice whether you accept it or not. Like I said before, just because you went out and got stupid a bunch of times when drinking, there's no virtual bank account here that she or anyone in your life can make withdrawals from because you "owe" back something.. Your life, your choice, your wellbeing. That's all I have to say bout that
Cha-ching
quoted for truth
It's permissible to move slowly, it's permissible to learn what your new boundaries are, I have dated "normal drinkers" in sobriety, quite frankly they never pulled those kinds of stunts, but "no drinking" isn't one of my boundaries, no practicing alcoholism is, but personally I think that's an incredibly important point Smacked made about the "Guilt Bank Account" that we beat ourselves up with and others use to manipulate us with.
"There but for the grace of God go I" is a statement I can make with utter truthfulness, but so is "but not anymore"
Making the hard decisions about health is healthy, sometimes making the necessary decisions to remain healthy may look selfish, but the first thing they taught me as a fireman/paramedic was my safety was priority one, that I couldn't save anyone else if I were dead or injured, to keep myself safe so I could help others.
It's not about being a sober policeman, if it happens once, no biggie, twice, deep thought, three times buh bye, it's that simple, that's called a boundary and those are healthy
That may appear to look like "me me me" but quite frankly when it comes to myself, my wellbeing, and my sobriety I don't care how it looks, the only peoples opinion who matters to me is my support group, and then it's "Is this a healthy decision or not" and quite frankly I go to people with long term sobriety with those important issues, not a gaggle of new people, I already know how to do high drama and squabble.
I will cut cancerous deadwood unhealthy people out of my life without batting my eye, I have done so and it's never been a wrong decision, I have also allowed people like that to remain in my life for far too long on occasion for those times I prefer to learn the lesson the hard painful way, i have also learned how to have limited contact with boundaries those unhealthy people I couldn't walk away from such as family/coworkers/employers.
putting the plug in the jug is actually only a small part of sobriety, learning how to navigate things like this is the lions share IMO