With all you wrote I am still stuck in the why are you looking at him and for answers to make him make sense…
This far down the line and way out of that insanity I found I know nothing if it isn’t mine, I can’t understand or make sense of because again it isn’t mine….and really I had enough of my own problems for me that I need to focus on for a chance at a good life…I wonder don’t you…
Look this is his normal in addiction, this is the path he is taking and I bet in time well if he got into some sort of recovery that it would make sense to him, the thinking, the controlled drinking the choices he made….
Hell I did something similar but then only because the questions were starting, so I just took more pills and kept the drinking to just a few…I don‘t do blackout anymore, it makes no sense to me cause you miss the best part but that doesn‘t mean I don‘t have some issues just cause I can stop at a few beers and I can really dismiss the pill use, always and I do this consciously….it was for as much the buzz, off clean slate not a head running as just the fact that even one beer would allow me to not feel so suffocated.
I watched my husband do the same thing that makes sense for him with heroin. He got to where he could never use opiates ever again and didn’t but that didn‘t mean he couldn‘t use some coke, some crack until he got nope that doesn‘t work, but a few beers, nope had to discount that, shopping, lottery tickets anything for a quick fix…he had to learn in his right, not anyone else‘s. And when he ran it dry then his path toward freedom started….he was learning through every action that many around but me wanted to set as bad …no this was perfection to me and it actually was one thing that made total sense.
And maybe it could be asked is it ok with you. His behavior, is it acceptable to you, that he is like he is in his thinking and justification, and is that affair ok with you and flirting with a 13 year old, is that ok with you…Can you live with it, because if you want to it has to become done and over….Can you forgive, accept, and let go…And would it all be done right in this moment in a healthy state of mind, or would your issues with alcohol….
Oh wait could your issues with alcohol be harming you, could that be part of the problem here, part of the confusion you seem stuck in, part of the need to ask questions to understand him…what about you?
If you are looking in your own mirror then you aren’t seeing anyone else’s reflection, behaviors, lies, twisted thinking….
See I have issues at times with this all and that is looking at me. I know there were things I did that were probably not what I would have done if I didn’t use, and yet that isn’t entirely true I don’t think.
I tend to see the capacity being there but lacking the impulsivity of not being high….and from there well who knows what another would choose to do anyway….I have a hard time rationalizing high as the excuse for…
Remove the addiction…I tend to do it this way, there are some really good cool people in this world at the core and there are some evil ***** as well…and in the end some happen to be addicts.
And honestly if you want to save anything you need to save you first, then go from there because if you are stuck in confusion with a head on run, and questions and question that are stealing your time and can’t make sense of anything and can’t make a decision then you need to really look at you and only you and find the answers….
I wish you the best, take care of you!