Ok here's the tricky part:
If I tell him how I feel about his drinking and not buying groceries, is that "controlling?" Or being codependant.
I guess at the very least it's "engaging" and is not No Contact, which I should have in place to protect myself as it is. We'll just have an argument about it anyway, right? It's not like he's going to say, "Oh gee, your right, Transform. I better not drink when the budget it tight."
And this is an interesting choice of words
If he tries to engage, you have the choice not to
I'm going to try to remember this. I have the choice to NOT engage.