Did you think he would stop drinking because he has so little money when you offered to give him groceries?
It didn't even occur to me! What the hell! Am I stupid or is this denial? I think being away from him I just assume he's like me. I must be the narcissist because I think he's like me and will not do amazingly selfish things.
What are your motivations for not giving him the groceries you promised? Teach him a lesson? Payback? Stop enabling?
I haven't thought that one through. I think it's because he makes me sick. He shouldn't be allowed to drink the grocery money away, that's why I left him. I guess it's three reasons: to teach him a lesson, stop enabling and use the money for more important things. Like my middle sons book order! Screw him.
What would the consequences be for you and/or your children?
Well I can tell him that I'm not giving him money for groceries if he chooses to drink his existing money away, that the kids will stay with me. That'll go over well...
You are allowed to change your mind! We codies are very good at reacting - we need to remember to take a breath, step back and analyse the situation while being self aware. I still haven't worked out how to do this automatically!!
Thanks. I will have to be on my toes from now on in every one of my interactions with him. Oh, you guys without children are sooooo lucky. You can walk away and never have to interact with the alcoholic again!